Now Norma Knits

10. Guest Blogger Mike Strauss

I got home from work at 9 p.m. last night to find all those comments and reminders to me of previous stories I had posted about Vincent -- stories that I didn't even remember, but you did.  Well, let me just say that the disappointment of coming to the door and not having my little guy there to greet me was (almost) made up for by the memories you brought up.  I keep shaking my head at the wonder of the blog.  You people are gems.  Goddamnit, y'all make it hard to be a hater. 

I am going to be away for three days, but I'm sure I'll find an email signal somewhere to check up on things, and I've got the blog fires pretty well stoked.  Today I offer you the following:

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When I posted the "ask me questions" post, Mike Strauss, the artist and chemist I introduced in the blog once before, asked the following set of questions via email, which I am posting with his permission.  It's such a bonus to have non-knitting -- and male! -- readers!  Who have questions! We must encourage this!  (and not by posting more pictures of me in SL,UT t-shirts, either)

My quick answer to him follows.  I'd like to invite you all to weigh in on this.  Mike is an academic and an artist, and I think he would really like to learn more about our craft in a serious sense, and we all know I can only be serious for a limited time, right?  [my editorial comments to Mike's email are in red]

Hi Norma,

OK, I have a question which I really am curious about, though I'm
asking it via email and not via your web site.

I belong to a writing group which meets monthly to eat meals and
critique manuscripts.  One of the people there is a rug hooker (she
MAKES rugs) [clearly Mike's been following along with the blog and knows what trouble he could get in around here by calling someone a hooker -- in more ways than one; see below, Mike]  and we had a conversation about composition (as in composing a design.)  It came up because one of the classes I teach this spring -"Drawing for the Terrified" - deals in significant ways with composition in painting and drawing.

As a Nobel prize knitter [hahahahahahahaha!  is he KIDDING?], is composition (maybe it's called pattern) a significant area that knitters deal with all the time?   Are you always keeping track, as you knit, of color, focal points, 2D and 3D space, how to lead the eye over the surface with line and shape, etc.?  Or are you following a design, pattern or composition that has already been created by someone else?  Or do you do both?

If this question is as naive as my "court reporter" comment [The first time we met, Mike asked about court reporters, "Why don't they just tape it?" and immediately incurred my wrath, but I have since forgiven him.], my
apologies.  I'm really far afield.  But I'm curious.  There are some
similarities in composing a painting, a musical score, a sculpture, a
drawing and/or other artistic endeavors.  I'm wondering how much
these similarities impinge upon what you do.  It seems likely that
they would.

Here is, in part, my email answer to Mike:

Actually, I'm a dumb-follower type of knitter (although some experienced knitters tell me I'm just the opposite, and I'm just not realizing it or acknowledging it), but there are some who fit all of your questions.  There are some phenomenal designers whose current works are coming out all the time -- and they use color and spatial techniques.  Many superb knitters are superb mathematicians, architects, biologists, chemists -- and some are just plain artists. It's quite the craft. 

Many patterns are written by these people and they can be frustrating to the "dumb follower" type like me.  They'll say something like, "repeat 4X while at the same time decreasing an even number on each side"  where the "repeat the pattern" part is both latitudinal and longitudinal in the piece. Or knit Chart A followed by Chart B twice, then repeat Chart A, also all the while working on the shaping on the sides.  Often rows of cables in an Aran-style sweater will have their twists at different numbers of rows, so you're keeping track of that, as well. 

And there are shaping (to make the piece fit a body, which is multi-dimensional) and gauge issues -- the right number of stitches per inch in both directions.  There is a LOT going on all at once that one has to keep in mind.  And I'm not even talking about the stranded colorwork -- that's a whole OTHER dimension!  Because my work as a court reporter and CART provider has so much going on all at one time, you'd think I'd be a natural at this kind of knitting.  I rather shy away from it, though, I think mainly because my work uses those brain cells to such a degree that I want easy-peasy stuff, since my knitting is meant to be relaxing.  For some people, though, the more challenge in their knitting the better.

I'm under the gun to get a transcript done, but I'll try to answer your questions more fully at some later time.  I'd also love to pose this question to my blog readers if you'll permit.   

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Mike said yes, please.  I'm going to be away from the blog for most or all of today, so, please have at it, folks!  Answer his questions....explore topics of space, color, technique, design, composition, fitting, etc. etc. etc.  Talk to him about charts and panels and shawls and the historical and ethnic and regional significance of knitting and fibers.  Someone find the link to that phenomenal photograph of millions of Latvian (?)mittens for....what was it, the U.N.?  Something like that.  I know someone knows what I'm talking about.  He'd love to see that, I know. 

Remember, he's both an artist and a chemist.  He wants the meaty stuff.  Also explain the difference between knitters and hookers.  (Mike, we refer to crocheters as "hookers."  It's not a bad thing, just different. Heh.)

Ain't we got fun?!

 

3. Question Time

Before I start with the next ridiculously long post of the year (I promise I will run out of steam soon and then I'll just dry up on the vine.  I promise!), I must pay homage to my friend Sandy (gag.  Are you tired of my and Sandy's lovefest yet?  Honestly, we're not this disgustingly sweet in real life. We actually just sort of tolerate each other.  But bear with me here.) for coming up with the super-fabulous idea of numbering the blogposts for 365.  And, of course, since .....what's the phrase..... oh, yes, blatant copying .... is the sincerest form of flattery, I'm flattering her blatantly.  And sincerely.  By copying her.  But for the record?  My 2.1 for yesterday's second post of the day?  Totally my own idea. 

But anyway.  I looked on with interest, and a bit of horror at first -- it looked like something that had the potential to become a train wreck -- when another blogger invited her readers to ask questions of her, whatever question they wanted answered. But in the end it was fascinating and fun, and I thought I'd try it, too. In this year of full-on blogging, maybe it'll give me a day or two of blog fodder.

I'm a pretty open book here in the blog, and because I am one of those bloggers who have been described by reliable sources as "just like my blog," if you read me regularly, you know me fairly well. Of course, much to the relief of some people, I WILL NOT tell you everything. But still, I know some of you have burning questions that need answers!  Or maybe not.  In any event, it will be fun to see. 

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For example, here is a question that is emerging as a FAQ about Blog 365.  I mentioned this in my first post about it, but people keep on axing the question anyway:

Q. 2008 is a leap year, so shouldn't it be Blog 366? 

A. Well, I'm so glad you asked. Again and again.  *cue canned laughter*

But yes, 2008 is indeed a leap year.  Gold star for those of you on the ball enough to know that.  I didn't.  But the organizer of Blog 365 has already thought of that and she is giving us February 29th as a day off.  But as I mentioned, chances are probably good that I'll be blogging that day anyway, as I'm in the habit. But if you want to give me my own category called Blog 366, I'll wear the banner with pride.

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Here's another FAQ.  I'm joshing you again.  It's not a FAQ.  Only one person has asked it, and I'm hereby teasing her mercilessly:

Q.  Do you have a search function in your blog? 
A.  Why, yes, I certainly do.  It's powered by Google, even.  It's in the sidebar, and it is looking super-fabulous, sort of like this:

    

Search Now Norma Knits

(In my preview the graphic came out a little bit odd and elongated. Hopefully in the final publish it will be correctly displayed.)

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Q. So what IS your middle name?
A. Well, actually, nowadays it's Jarvis.  However, that is not the middle name my mother gave me at birth. I don't know what my mother was smoking when I was born, but Roxie nearly made me pee my pants last night with this comment, which hit the nail right on the head:

"Norma Mae.  It's not a name, it's an attitude."

I'm thinking now of changing the subtitle of my blog. 

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Q. Have you finished Ryan's hat yet?
Exhibit A:

 

I mailed it off yesterday.  Fingers crossed that I interpreted the request reasonably well, and that it fits him.   

He's supposed to send pics, taken in an exciting location in New York City.  I took Wendy's wise suggestion and used Encore Chunky.  That way, if it's a bust, it can be a throw-away. And it's machine washable. A white hat in NYC needs to be machine washable, natch. Although I do worry how well that pompom will stay on through a washing-and-drying cycle. 

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Q. How's Vincent?

A. His liver enzymes are elevated, and he's not feeling too good. He could not have his scheduled dental procedure yesterday because of the liver situation. But everything else about his blood profile was good, so that's at least something.  His eyes look kind of like two piss-holes in the snow, as I believe Frank McCourt said in Angela's Ashes about 16 bajillion times.  Or maybe I'm misquoting him, but he said something about his nasty infected eyes as a child too many times in that book; that much I know. I've put him (Vincent, not Frank McCourt) back on his raw food diet (I got lazy about ordering it a couple months ago), and he's going in today for another ultrasound of his liver.  Wish us well.

Now it's your turn.  Ask away.

Calling All Techno-Brains

First off, if you don't already know this about me, I am a techno-idiot. The computer and I are friends, sort of, if I can just do simple stuff and don't have to do html or any other geekspeak. I am about the polar opposite of a geek.

I never did learn how to program the VCR to make it record when we were away. We took a total of about 20 minutes of video on the videocam of our daughter growing up (how much do we suck?), because mostly we couldn't figure out how to make it work, or how to recharge the battery, or for some other pathetic reason. My microwave has a dial, not a keypad, and I have a brain-melt when I get to an office or someone's home and have to use a microwave that has a keypad on it. I have no idea how to make it work. I break every photocopier I touch. I can hardly figure out how to program numbers into the cell phone -- hell, I had to bring the cell phone into the Verizon store two weeks ago because I had what I called a "spam" text message that said, "buy this hot stock now," it was a streaming thing, and I could not figure out how to delete it from my phone. I did not want to get charged every time I tried to get rid of it. I also had an irrational fear that every time I turned the phone on, because it was streaming, maybe I was being charged for it. You should have seen the look the 19-year-old hottie at the Verizon store gave me. No, it was NOT that Mrs. Robinson lust. It was, "Oh, why are these old ladies so annoying, pathetic, and stupid? I will have to reach down to the tips of my Reeboks to find enough patience to deal with her."

We only just bought a DVD player last summer, and did not get it installed until Ryan came here for a vacation with Abigail in late December. It took him all of 40 seconds to install it. I still do not know how to make it work with the clicker. The clicker is not my friend. We have three in our family room. We only own one TV. I have no idea which, if any, of the three works the TV. (Although I highly suspect one of them works it, given the way my husband clutches it like life itself depends upon it, and I do notice that the channels change at extremely odd intervals on the odd occasions when I'm in that room. He, as most of the male members of the species, has the attention span of a gnat.)

Anyway, Abigail finally got a first-generation Nintendo when they were already practically obsolete. She never had a GameBoy, or Heaven forbid, an X-Box or any of those other scary freakboxes like that. Have I sufficiently explained to you how much of a technical simpleton I am? (Am I too uncool for words?)

So here's why I need your help. If you are still reading and haven't already clicked out of this-here STUPID ZONE, I feel safe telling you this now, even if it just serves as your amusement for the day. Abigail doesn't read my blog much anyway, but especially now, I know she is deep in the midst of studying and writing papers for midterm exams, and she's about as frazzled as she can be. So I know Mom's Blog is the last thing on her mind and she won't see this. But last year she bought an iPod mini for herself, (see how clever I am, bandying about fancy techno words like "iPod mini"?) and it was almost immediately too small. She, being not too much farther up the techno-food chain than I (as compared to her peers), realized her mistake as soon as she bought it and started loading her music on it.

So this year for the holidays/slash (haha, slash/slash) her birthday, I would like to buy her a replacement for it, and I need advice what to buy. I'll have her hand her mini down to me, since I have the pathetically small listening repertoire to match my lack of technical know-how. I would mostly be listening to books on tape, is my guess, on long car trips. (can one even listen to books on tape on an iPod mini? Will I have ANY CLUE how to load one?) I like her music, so I'll probably just leave it as it is and go from there - see if I can figure out how to charge that sucker. See what you're dealing with here? Please talk to me as if I don't understand English and I'm highly mentally challenged. Get it?  Best thing would be, just tell me what to buy. Don't confuse me the way a salesman would, by saying, "Well, it depends what you want to do with it." That just about FREAKS ME OUT when they do that to me!

All right. I know I've recently seen on TV these new ones that you can watch TV on. I am quite certain she will NOT want that one. I also saw these Nano ones, which I read hold 1000 songs. Well, I did hear her say that hers holds 1000 songs, and that although that sounded like a lot, she had not remembered all the CDs she had that she wanted to load. This was within a hour or two of starting to load the thing when she bought it. She is a very simple girl with simple needs. She loves her music, and she loves a lot of music, but I'm quite certain she will never have the urge to watch TV or a movie on a 2-inch screen. She is definitely my daughter in the pragmatic and frugal sense. And I think you know me well enough to hear what I'm saying.

Discuss, if you can stop jeering long enough.

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And.....since blogging has not yet proven to be a big-enough TIME SUCK, I have started updating my sidebar, adding some things, deleting some things, cleaning up some broken links, removing dead or stagnant links, reorganizing some things. I have started using categories, too. In that vein, some people asked for me to link to that post about my antiviral arsenal, which I had done, but I've now removed the link on the sidebar. It is under the category of "Norma's Medicine - You'll take it and you'll like it!" which I think will be fairly easy to remember if you come back here looking for it. As time permits, I will try to go back and categorize the older entries, and I will try to remember to categorize as I go along from now on. Of course, some of my entries defy categorization, so.....oh, well. They'll be under the heading, "miscellaneous crap," or something like that.

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And one more thing:  I don't know how many of you virtually knew a certain reader named Kristen, but she was a regular visitor here at my blog. She commented quite often and we wrote back and forth. Well, she's now doing something fabulously interesting. She's in Moscow doing research for her dissertation, and she's keeping a blog chronicling her adventures. If you want to read some interesting, fun stuff from a person who is embracing a challenging time as an adventure, with open eyes, an open heart and an open mind, go read. (She currently has one bloglines subscriber, and I know who that is. Hint-hint.)

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And oops, I forgot to photograph the tree. I doubt it's changed much, but later today there might be a change. It might be white. If there's anything exciting, I will be sure to rush right out there and take a photo.