Now Norma Knits

Your Opinion DOES NOT MATTER

1. I got a big kick out of this, given my recent smartphone inquiries:

In The Know: Should The Nation's Unemployed Be Buying New Apple Computers?

For those who don't know, and if this was not obvious (it distresses me that I have had to explain this to more than one person recently), The Onion is spoof news, not real. 

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2.  Donald Trump is a sleazy idiot and a joke, and why is anybody -- ANYBODY -- listening to his tripe?

For example:  Trump's opinion of abortion, Trump's ideas on health care,

.... Love this piece by Gail Collins.

Facebook and Twitter, They Have Their Good Moments (Wherein "Moment" is Defined as "A fleeting microsecond.")

Over time, I have grudgingly decided that Facebook has my vote as a thing that can be useful and also can provide some entertainment. Here are a few reasons why:

1. I found The Oatmeal there. (10 Things You Need to Stop Misspelling) Res ipsa loquitur. Good Lord.

2. I found The Oatmeal there. (10 Things You Need to Stop Tweeting) Too much truth in this. 

3. Oatmeal. (All About Irony and What It's Not) Made me laugh.

4. A whole new appreciation for OATMEAL and apples.  (What it's like to own an Apple product.)

5. Oh, all right. I'll stop with The Oatmeal. Now we shall move on to title names of Facebook pages that are ironic and inadvertently hilarious. Such as:  Grammar matters. "THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. It's called grammar, use it."  (The irony might have been heightened even further if the person who started this site had misspelled "grammar" as "grammer" -- the site is full of other grammatical errors, as well. Sigh.)

6. Which brings us back to Oatmeal: (Semicolons.) and yes, yet MORE 

7. Oatmeal. (How to Suck at Facebook)

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Twitter: Still "meh" 99.5% of the time (see #2 above), but it has been useful to me on a couple of occasions, and it, too, has provided some entertainment -- well, at least once, anyway:

I am not sure how I ended up following "Mrs Stephen Fry" on Twitter, but OMG, funny. You know all about me and my love affair with off-colour British comedians, no? So if you don't share my love, well pfffft, you're hardly worth my time, but seriously folks, this is a little info about the real Stephen Fry, and the Missus is of course a fiction, but oh, such a wonderful character she is! It's one of the only things I give a whit about in Twitter!

The night before last, there was this in Mrs Stephen Fry's tweets, which, as it was of course intended, put me straight into a fit of tears-streaming-down-my-face hysterics:

Goodnight, dears. I was hoping for a quiet night but Stephen's vuvuzela is raised and ready to blow.

It's Thursday. And That's About All I Can Say About That.

I know it's Thursday, and Wednesday is supposed to be for the random, but all I've got are a few mismatched fragments for you today:

1. In Abigail's erudite words, "LOST was so lame" this week. Agreed.

2. Mr. Jefferies has quite a few friends in Facebook! Now you watch them close us down because they think he's a dog. Little do they know, right? (If you're looking for him and can't find him, make sure you are spelling his name correctly.)  MrJefferies. Cut and paste the sucker. Many people mistakenly leave out the second "e". Hey, blame my kids -- I didn't name him. #AKC MrJefferies 

2.a.  I only put that # (number sign, pound sign, hash mark -- or is it hatch mark? Oh wait, that's about LOST.) there because I see all the cool kids doing that in Twitter and Facebook. And I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA why they do it or what effect it has. #clueless

2.b. But it kind of gets on my nerves. #annoyed

3. I am in love with this cartoon. I think I need to get a box of those cards or a t-shirt or something. I love this one too, if it could have "Mr. Jefferies" written in over the little dog.  #priceless

4. Weather permitting, I'm planning on going over to that magical land called the Northeast Kingdom today, to visit AnnaMarie who has closed down her blog with malice aforethought*, just so I can't link it today. But I can link you to her Etsy shop in case you want to ogle some of her incredible spinning fiber. #drool

5. I got a tickle at reading a comment to someone's blog recently. It said something to the effect of "You're so great, and funny! And I thank you so much for not having any profanity for a family blog." Well, of course I felt like a finger was being pointed right at me, because it's All About Me, am I right?!  But family blog?! Family blog!!? Who signed up for serving up family-friendly content? Yes, because the whole family gathers round the computer to read knitting blogs, eh? And I'm being paid or something, so I have to provide entertainment for people with toddlers sitting on their knees, right? #fuckthatshit.

6.  And tomorrow (see cartoon linked above) maybe I'll tell you my feelings about breakfast wraps. (They're not what you think, and they're DEFINITELY NOT family-friendly.) #nevermind

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*Damn it! I wish I'd named my blog Malice Aforethought. I've got dibs! Don't anybody go stealing that name out from under me. Bitches! 

#stashguarddog

I Have a Wee Problem

Alrighty then, so I started that seed stitch scarf in that gorgeous red Cascade 220, which I LOVE, by the way. And I never ever ever (never ever say never ever) buy just one skein of Cascade 220. I never.ever.do. I almost always buy two skeins -- I don't know why. If I don't buy two skeins, I buy a sweater's worth, plus an extra. (That'd be seven, for me.)

And so I'm blithely knitting along, and I go to locate the 2nd skein. I can't find it anywhere. It now appears that I used it last year or the year before, for a Red Scarf that was color-block, sort of. I ended up not liking the way it came out -- the gauges of two of the yarns (both Cascade 220) were different enough from the third yarn that it really wasn't nice enough to send to the OFA. So it's been in my closet all this time, and I just pulled it out to send to the Salvation Army, but it hasn't gone yet. 

In the meantime, I searched Ravelry for this yarn, and I was lucky enough to find two people who have it in their stashes. I wrote to one person, who only has one skein. I figured she probably wouldn't mind selling me the one skein. She wrote me back to say that she was sympathetic to my plight but all her stuff is in storage and she'd have to try to see if she could find it. So there is still hope, but, well, I know how *I* would be if all my stuff was in storage -- no way would I be able to locate a single skein of Cascade 220. Another person has six skeins. She might not want to break up her lot, but I'm willing to buy the whole thing if she wants to help me out. I love this color enough that I'd happily knit scarves in it till the cows come home, and I'd even love to knit a sweater for myself in it. But there is no contact ability in her account. So no go there.

And here's the hilarious (well, I guess that would depend on your definition of "hilarious") part of this story: I started writing this post to ask you all if you'd check your stashes for Cascade 220, Color No. 9404, Dye Lot 5433, and before I was finished the 2nd paragraph, I thought, "Well, you dummy, why don't you rip out the red portion of that uglyish scarf and reuse the yarn."  Doh.

So. Problem sort of solved, and I was going to delete this stupid story. But then I decided that I guess this peek into the snow globe of my mind still makes for a blog entry. 

 Not blonde anymore; just slightly flaky.

Abyss

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. 
Friedrich Nietzsche 

I'm not trying to be deep or mysterious.  I just truly don't feel the bloggy love tonight, and can't seem to write anything.  Well, unless you count that. 

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I wrote that, set the post to publish, and then took Mr. J. out for his nighttime pee.  Directly in front of the door we almost tripped over this:

A while back, people got me nervous about toads making dogs sick.  I still don't know if that is true, but I didn't want to take any chances, what with Mr. J. being so small and this guy being quite large.  I picked him up and put him in the foliage nearby, but he was not having it.   He came right back and tried to get in the door.

He was quite persistent.

He's nowhere near the shelter I built for a toad, but all summer long I've been waiting for my prince a toad to arrive, and maybe he's here.  I didn't kiss him, though, so we may never know what could have been.

Rumors Of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

You can call off the APB if you wish.  This is a late-in-the-day edition of NNK just to keep up appearances make sure I don't lose ground on that every-day habit thing. 

The last two days have been very long -- especially LAST night -- and when I got home late after a 14-hour work day that started with yet ANOTHER two-hour drive (this time on the way to work instead of home) because of an overturned cattle truck*, I just didn't have a blog post in me -- especially not after having watched the latest episode of LOST which is really living up to its name.  We are just all lost watching LOST, I do believe.  I think the writers must have taken just a few too many hallucinogenic drugs in their youth.  But whatever.

Today I had a two-hour break between the morning and the afternoon lecture sessions, and I intended to blog during that break.  But on the way to work, my BlackBerry started malfunctioning and never recovered throughout the day (and even now), and when I was at UVM, their wireless network was not working, either, so not only could I not blog -- I also could not receive or answer any emails.  Perhaps the LOST program has spilled over into OUR world.  Yeah, that's it.

And my real world is a little bit in limbo and topsy-turvy, too.  Today was my last day of medical school, and I've enjoyed it so much I feel like a fish out of water.  As it turns out, there's not too much time to worry about it, because little by little my schedule is filling up.  And there will be occasional lectures and meetings to cover for the med school into the foreseeable future, too.  A special guy for whom I could possibly knit socks (for Jon, I would knit socks!) will be coming on March 28th, and yes, I've got the gig.  Pinch me.  Honestly. 

Laurie wrote me the other day:  "Give Jon a kiss for me.  But no tongue."  Hahahahaha.  Can't stop me!  Hmmm, I wonder how big his feet are.  Get your minds OUT of the gutter.  Right now.  (Poor guy is probably going to have to hire extra security to keep me away from him now.)

So now it's late, and almost time to write my entry for TOMORROW.  My big day.  Fifth blogiversary.  I suppose I should come up with five things to blog about, five things about me, five reasons to keep on blogging, and/or maybe five really great prizes.  Thanks for the great ideas, Lucia.  YOU are my idea woman. 

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*Yes, it's fun to live in Vermont sometimes.  When I saw the truck it was already loaded onto a tow truck, and I did not see any evidence of animals, so we are going to hope it was empty when it went over. 

8:30 Bedtimes Are Unnatural

I feel at a loss of what to blog.  My whole rhythm is off.  I'm missing Sandy's daily musings.  Are you, too?  Tell her!  Tell her to get back on the stick.

I'm just plain unused to going to bed so early, and it feels WEIRD, but after a week of feeling truly like a zombie, I finally woke up yesterday morning feeling rested and more like a person.  The tennis elbow strap that I used at Cindy's suggestion worked well, and I had a successful day at work.  I'm still healing, and I'm almost a bit reticent to go back to her for more treatment today.  Yes, it is clearly helping, but man, it hurts in the process!  The undergrad semester has begun, so I'm back in organic chemistry again in addition to the med school.  I was worried I wouldn't be able to manage it all, what with the sore arms, but I seem to be doing fine. 

I still miss my Vincent.  I spent all day yesterday believing that it was the anniversary of his passing, but when I checked the blog, it was actually January 8th. 

Yesterday when out at lunch, I ran into Mike Strauss, who has been an occasional guest and commenter in the blog here.  He has an art exhibit up at Healthy Living where I very often lunch, and it looks GREAT.  I was glad for that impromptu opportunity to sit down and have lunch with the artist, have good conversation, and admire his work in that nice setting. If you like his painting of onions, you're not alone.  But another spoiled friend has finagled that painting out of him.  Rats. It was "borrowed back" by Mike for this exhibit, and I threatened to steal it.  Heh.  That's me -- a class act all the way. 

THANKS for the recommendations of more British comedies!  I had forgotten about Saving Grace, another of my absolute favorites.  I will have to rent that one again and watch it soon.  Love it. And Death At A Funeral too!  I will take your recommendations on the others that I haven't seen, too. 

Well, look at the time -- it's 8:50 -- past my bedtime! 

Gack. 

104. My Joie de Vivre Is Somewhat Compromised: Another List

1.  Taxes.  The good news is I had a good year last year.  The bad news is I had a good year last year.  The checkbook of this freelancer says, "Ouuuuuuuuch." 

2.  Life throws curve balls and life is fragile.  I can only be cryptic on this one.

3.  When one door closes, another one (or two or three) opens?  Maybe.  And again, I can only be cryptic and cliche-ish, but it could be good. Only time will tell.  I couldn't resist adding that, just to be a smartass. 

4.  I'm wondering what's the point of writing this list if I'm only going to be cryptic, trite, cliche-ish, and banal. 

5.  You're probably wondering the same thing.

6.  Since I'm on a platitudinous roll, I might as well add this:  Live and love to your fullest, as if it's your last day/hour/minute. This is not said just "because."  It is relevant.  More with the cryptic.  Sorry.

7.  It snowed and sleeted most of the day yesterday.  When it wasn't snowing and sleeting, it was hailing.  It's frickin' freezin' around here.  Things are supposed to be very different by the end of the week, though. I'll believe it when I see it.

8.  The lettuce seeds I planted last week have germinated.  So did a couple of tomatoes I planted last week.  Yay!

9.  I planted lots of tomato seeds yesterday. 

10.  I really overdid it on the buying of the seeds this year.  My eyes were bigger than my garden plot by a long shot.  I bought enough seeds for a 10-acre farm, I think.  (It's OK; they'll keep, if I'm careful with them.)

11.  However, with all the seeds I bought, somehow there are no broccoli seeds.  I know I ordered some.  Must investigate what happened there.

12.  I wanted to do my "H" entry today, and I have an idea for it, but the crappy weather has not been at all conducive to taking photographs.

13.  I used some creative energy this weekend designing some new business cards.  It was fun.  I'd like to show you, but I can't figure out how to get a copy off the site I used.

14.  I got a wonderful email from Martin this weekend. He says Mrs. Hudson novel #3 is coming along nicely.  Of course, I must be mostly secretive on this one, too.  (Are you pissed off at me yet?)  This is the one with a character that is a tribute to me. Remember I told you about this a while ago?  I love love love the way he has described that she is evolving (not entirely as he originally planned), and I can't wait to read the book. 

15.  I had a workout at the gym yesterday, but it was very low-energy.  At least I got there, I suppose.  It's been an off week for the gym all the way around.  Must try to do better this week. I think it was worry that was keeping me from digging in and working out hard.  Much of that worry has been alleviated now, so maybe I can get serious again this week.

16.  Re Gordon What's-his-name I posted yesterday, I do not watch much TV -- I do not even know if we get the Food Network -- so I have no clue about these people. I only stumbled upon that video, which I thought was entertaining, while using Stumble Upon. 

17.  If you weren't feeling down before you read this, I bet you're feeling down now.  Please take a number and form an orderly queue in the complaints line. 

18.  Gib (have you ever noticed that "Gib" sounds like her real name, "Kim," with a cold?) sent me this ad for a great new medicine from the makers of Damitol (finally the pharmaceutical companies have something that's worth something!) yesterday afternoon.  It fits in perfectly with this post, I think:

 

74. Hm.....Could Be Right, Brought To You By The Ides of March, A Sore Throat, A Wiseass Friend, And Me Fighting a Valiant Battle Against A Cold

A certain wise-ass friend thinks I'm a hypochondriac, and my dears, there is no end to the teasing.  I say that friend needs a good ass-kicking. But not in my present weakened condition. Ahhhhh----chooo! *my throat hurrrrrrrts* whine, whine. *cough*

Hypochondriasis 

<psychiatry> A mental disorder characterized by a preoccupation with bodily functions and the interpretation of normal sensations (such as heartbeats, sweating, peristaltic action and bowel movements) or minor abnormalities (such as a runny nose, minor aches and pains or slightly swollen lymph nodes) as indications of highly disturbing problems needing medical attention. 

Negative results of diagnostic evaluations and reassurance by physicians [ed by Norma: and annoying friends] only increase the patient'€™s anxious concern about her health and the patient continues to seek medical attention.  Heh-heh-heh.

It was thought by the ancients to be due to disturbed function of the organs of the upper abdomen [ed: and annoying friends].

Synonym: hypochondriacal neurosis.

Or, as Sandy and I have been known to say about the way our mothers respond to things:  I think I have a hangnail.  Perhaps I should get a CT scan, and then I definitely need to be scheduled for open heart surgery.  ("If it's not one thing, it's your mother," right?)

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In my most recent moment of hypochondriacal neurosis, I did this to fill up the blog:

What Norma Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

73. Perfect Pump

A funny thing happened on the way to my lunch date with Judy and Ruby the other day: The tank filled up, the pump stopped, I turned around, and that's what I saw. Bingo! A perfect pump, and a little blog fodder for the taking.

Seinfeld, eat your heart out.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARGENE!!!!!

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In chiropractic news (what? aren't you all waiting on the edges of your seats for my latest chiropractic news?) I had another adjustment manipulation (I think they prefer to refer to them as "manipulations," not adjustments.  Semantics!) yesterday.  Things, as I told my chiropractor, still didn't seem quite right.  It was good, and now things seem right.  And not a moment too soon:  Today I have an all-day deposition.  I haven't had one of those (thank goodness) in a long time. I'll probably need another manipulation by the end of it.

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Have a nice Friday Margene's birthday, everyone!  Cake all around!

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Come back Sunday for a special F word edition. I think you'll like it.