Twenty-Five

Twenty-five years ago today, it was colder than a penguin's hiney. I remember specifically, because I was doing a lot of walking outside that day. And then my water broke and half froze to my leg. 

It was an easy labor. I kept waiting for it "to hurt." I had no sense of perspective, you see, because I'm a French-Canadian-Vermonter-Farm-Girl whose middle name is spelled S-T-O-I-C, and I had had a lifetime of terrible, monumental period cramps, and so, convinced that labor must have to be more painful than periods, I thought, well, apparently I'm not ready to give birth to this baby yet, because it doesn't hurt bad enough. I did, though, really have an idea that I was in labor, and my contractions were regular and two minutes apart. And yet, when I called my doctor's practice and got the person on call to finally return my call (it was New Year's Eve, after all), I was rather ambivalent about it, because we Jarvis girls do not readily admit to pain. 

Does it hurt? Well, yeah...no, not really. No, I can take more. Yeah, never mind, sorry to bother you. No, I realize it IS New Year's Eve. No, yeah, I'm probably not really in labor. You're right. I'll just go relax. 

That doctor, I sincerely hope, is no longer a practicing ob-gyn. Or if not that, then I hope she has learned some bedside manner since that time. Or maybe even perhaps as a result of the complaint I made about her following the birth of my baby and asked for her name to be removed from the birth certificate because she did absolutely nothing except make me feel like I was ruining her New Year's Eve, she got a fucking clue and started treating people not as imbeciles. 

She said to me on the phone, "So, this is your first baby?"

"Yes."

"Mm-hm. And you think you're in labor?"

My ability to suffer fools was even less honed than it is today, and I returned her condescending tone with one even a touch more sarcastic: *huff* *huff* "Yessssssssss. I *huff* knooooooooow I'm in *huff* labor."

"Well. Everybody says that. If this is your first baby, you'll probably be in labor for three days. You can come in if you really want, but we'll just send you back home again. I'd recommend just having some champagne and maybe a warm bath, and relax."

So, because I just knew I shouldn't have called -- stupidme, ohhowembarrassing, I'm noteveninpain, shouldn'thavebotheredher -- I went back outside in the cold and dark, for another walk. I didn't make it 25 feet, and the above-mentioned drizzle was running down my leg and freezing before it hit my foot. 

Things got a little bit intense then. And as David drove the little Volkswagen Rabbit down the icy interstate at 90 miles an hour, I was screaming, "I'm hot. I'm HOT. Open the WINDOWS" (with a few expletives).  And his fingers, when we arrived at the hospital, had to be chipped away from the steering wheel with an ice pick. I was holding the baby in, so that she did not pop out while we were waiting at the red light at the hospital entrance. I almost opened the door and popped her out right there on Colchester Avenue.

Through force of will, I held her in for another 20 minutes, time enough to get inside, up to a room to meet a lovely LOVELY nurse who I informed, "I've been resisting the urge to push for as long as I can. I can't resist it any MORRRRRRE." The MORRRRRRE was more a labor-pain scream than a word.

She said, "I just told Dr. Bitchy-Witchy (not her real name) that you had arrived. She said, 'I tollllllld her not to come!'" 

I said, "Oh, yes. She did. But here I aaaaaammmmmmmmmmm." 

She said, "Oh, I would love to birth this baby. It would be my first one on my own. But I can't do that. I'll be RIGHT BACK." And she was.

She opened the door, and a brand new sweet young male Family Practice resident happened to be walking by at that exact moment. She grabbed his arm. He rushed in -- I don't even think he had time to put on gloves, but maybe he did. He put his hands, you know, UP THERE, and raised his eyebrows and looked me in the eye, stunned. 

"Why don't you try pushing that baby right out."

And I pushed, twice, and we had our little New Year's Eve miracle. It was 7:57 p.m. It was the resident's first delivery, and the nurse hastened to tell him, "Don't get any ideas. They're not all like this. I only wish they were."

Me too.

 

Happy Birthday, Abigail

 

Comments

[(formerly) no-blog-rachel]

Damn. I had good doctors there (as well as 3 midwives) but a nasty nurse. Happy birthday, Abigail!

[Tammy]

My daughter Jess's birthday is today too. For years, we called her Our Little Tax Deduction. In reality she is a beautiful young lady of 14 today - the time really does fly doesn't it? Happy Birthday Abigail!

[Cindy (maxfun)]

Happy,Happy Birthday, Abigail! I love your birth story and you are gorgeous!

And Norma, I hope you're right that the ob/gyn is no longer practicing. Geez, with "care" like that. . . Harumph!

[Mel]

My sister's first was a 3.5 hour labor. Her second was induced and only took an hour and a half. Any decent ob/gyn should know that happens.

[NerdGirl]

Awesome! I am also a New Year's Eve baby and my mom loves to tell the story about having to get a penicillin shot because the doctor didn't scrub before he delivered me. When my mom had arrived, they put her in the delivery room so she "would be comfortable" but didn't call the doctor because he was at Mass (being New Year's Eve and all) and when the nurse checked on her 20 minutes later, I was about to pop out. They called the doctor--he ran the one stop sign between church and the hospital, walked in, dropped his coat, and there I was. Easy peasy.

[Ann]

I love a happy ending!

With my second, the ob had stopped to have lunch and almost missed the "catch." Yeh, that fast.

Happy birthday, Abigail!

[JudithinNYC]

Happy Birthday, Abigail!

(My step-daughter turns 25 today too.)

[Kris]

Happy Birthday Abigail!

And I too, hope that doctor is no longer practicing - yikes!

[Betsy]

Ah, yes...child #2 was sorta like that...sent home from the doc's office at noon...told labor would take days...born at home two hours later with the emergency room doc that lived next door gotten out of bed in attendance...oh yeah...and the four ambulance guys he called while I was busy birthing the baby...that one turned 30 this past March...

Have a Happy Happy Abigail...

[Julie]

Well didn't you have a lot of nerve disturbing that doctor when she was trying to celebrate. Sheesh.

Happy Birthday, Abigail!

[Carolyn]

Wonderful story, beautiful daughter! Thanks for sharing it with us. Happy New Year to you and your family.

[Ann]

A very Happy Birthday, Abigail! And a wish for a wonderful day and New Year to you, my friend! Norma-hope to cross the pond with you soon! LOL

[Ann]

Oh, for my second daughter, I was up in my room dying and the dumb ass doctor was on his boat. He did not want to come in. When he finally decided it was okay to go to the hospital, the receptionist made me walk "cuz it would be good for me" The ass walked in and 15 minutes later Carrie was born. He got a little bit of crap on his nice leather coat that he didn't have time to change out of... made my day..Needless to say he did not deliver my third!

[Carole]

A wonderful birth story, Norma. Thank you for writing it. It's actually very similar to the story my mom tells about my birth - remind me to tell you next time we are together.
Happy birthday, Abigail! You've got yourself one helluva mom.

[Bonney]

Happy Birthday, Abigail!!! You're mom has spunk; I'm guessing some of that rubbed off? I hope so; we need more people that don't suffer fools.

[margene]

A beautifully told story by a fabulous mother of the life she gave her incredible daughter. You're a great role model. Norma.

Happy Birthday, Abigail!!

[Kathryn]

If your doctor had had a tax background, she would have appreciated the excellent timing.

Happy Birthday, Abigail!

[Becky]

New Year's Eve - fun. New Year's Eve with Norma - PRICELESS!

[regina]

Happy birthday Abigail! What a great story!!

Just for the record, Norma, my doctor didn't believe I was in labor either, because I was just "too calm" on the phone. But she wasn't a jerk like your doctor. Once I told her that my contractions were 2 minutes apart and lasting a minute apiece, she snapped to and told me to get my behind to the hospital, stat.

Your daughter is such a beauty. I know you're very proud of her, and I suspect she's incredibly proud that you're her mom, as well she should be.

[Ally]

Happy Birthday Abigail!

Your mom talks about you a lot... all good stuff, of course ;-) Hope you have a wonderful day!

[Adelaide]

Happy birthday, Abigail.

(Mom and Dad: Great job!!

[Patty]

Great story!Happy Birthday Abigail. Wishing you all a Happy 2010.

[Kim]

Such a beautiful girl! Happy Birthday Abigail!

[jill]

Happy birthday Abigail! Ah, 25! What a great age.

[Mary]

What a great story! Even though you told it in a funny way, I still teared up at the end. Happy Birthday, Abigail! Hug your great mom!

[Robby]

Mostly things have changed, they're much more afraid of malpractice now. LOL After my sister popped out my niece 23 minutes after she walked in the door they told her, "Next time, if you even THINK you're in labor, why don't you come in."

[Lynn]

Way to go Norma! You are one tough ..... cookie! Your daughter looks just like you - a real beauty! Happy New Year to you and your family!

[Teresa C]

Happy Birtday Abigail!

Why do birth stories always bring a tear to my eye?

[Joannah]

Happy Birthday Abigail. I hope your next year is fabulous.

[Ruth]

That is one heckuva birth story, Norma! I love it.

Happy birthday, Abigail!!!

[Emma]

To Abigail,

*H*A*P*P*Y* *B*I*R*T*H*D*A*Y* !

To Norma, I love you. x

[sara]

As I read your post, Josh Groban was singing What Child Is This on Pandora, and I cried.

Lovely, thanks.
Happy Birthday Abigail :).

[Vicki]

Happy Birthday, Abigail!!
Happy New Year, Norma!!
(I think we German-Irish-Wisconsinite-Girls share some qualities and, perhaps, even a middle name -- though I could not NOT push!)
XOXOXOX

[Joansie]

Ah! I loved the story as, of course, I delivered my babies at the same hospital. I had a wonderful, wonderful midwife for my 2nd child but a horrible nurse. The recovery room was the hallway because the area was under construction. They've come a long ways!

Happy Birthday, Abigail!

[Iris]

Love this story (setting aside the jerk of an ob). Happy birthdy to Abigail (and birth day to you, Norma).

[Melissa in El Cajon]

Interesting--two things we have in common: my daughter was born in 1984 (June) and I am temporarily babysitting her dog while she does a Chiropractic internship at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

[Isela]

Happy Birthday Abigail! Thanks for the great story!

Happy New Year!

[Elaine]

Happy Mother's Day, Norma! *Sniff*

[Cheryl S.]

What a story!
Happy Birthday Abigail!

[Geri]

What a New Year's gift! Though that doctor hopefully has been drummed out of practice!

[Julia]

Aw!! I LOVE this! Congrats to you, and Happy Birthday Abigail!

[sandy]

What a beautiful story, I laughed, I cried. Happy Birthday, Ab! Happy Day of birth, Nor! LX

[kellys]

Birth stories always make me cry. *sniffle* I had wonderful midwives, thanks to my docs showing their colors at 12 weeks' pregnancy. They were rude and inattentive, so I switched to a midwife-gyn co practice. Lucky, and I highly recommend to others too.
You had a great hospital staff! and lookit: Abigail!! Happy bday!

[Sandy]

Wonderful story! Happy New Year!

[Cara]

Happy Birthday!

[Seanna Lea]

Happy Birthday, Abigail!

I have a vague recollection of calling the doctor / hospital when my mom was giving birth to my brother On The Couch. She was charged inpatient rates for him, because he couldn't stay inside long enough to get to the ambulance.

[inglesidebelle]

Great birth story! I can relate to having a high pain tolerance and thinking of labor pains as just very severe cramps. Can't believe your OB's attitude, though. Good for that resident to recognize where you were in the process.

Abigail is a beautiful girl. Fun day for a birthday!

[Sheila]

She's absolutely beautiful, Norma. Happy Birthday, Abigail, you are both very lucky to have each other.

Oh yeah, my birth story? I hired a mid-wife so I wouldn't have to deal with doctors and because they were supposed to know something about women giving birth. How unfortunate that I got the one, even though she came with impeccable references, that was rude and insensitive. After 11 hrs. of labour, most of which was spent arguing with her, I said I needed to push. "Oh no you don't. You don't need to push." "Tell that to the baby coming out from between my legs RIGHT NOW!" Sheesh! Needless to say she got an earful from me when I was a little more co-herent and I had to pay her.

Happy New Year to you, Norma, and to everyone else here as well!

[Cookie]

Happy Birthday, Abigail!

I love that story.

xo

[Laurie]

Great story! Happy birthday, Abigail.