296. Bubbles in My Pee, Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dee

When bubbles settle on the surface of the urine, they indicate disease of the kidneys, and that the complaint will be protracted. ~
Hippocrates, 400 B.C.E.*

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Pointing to the PowerPoint on which the above-referenced Hippocrates quote is posted (and I paraphrase):

"What he said." ~ a Fletcher Allen nephrologist

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To pee is to do – Socrates.**
To do is to pee – Jean-Paul Sartre.**
Do pee do pee do – Frank Sinatra.**

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I suffer a horrible malady. 

It is the horriblest malady of all.

It is called Medstudentosis.

(It's all Ally's fault.)

I have a good immune system, though.

I've been strong, holding up extremely well against this disease. 

No, pardon me -- not disease.  S-Y-N-D-R-O-M-E.

(I have been paying attention somewhat.)

(Just enough to be a danger to myself.)

The orthopedists didn't get to me.

Nor the rheumatologists.

The pulmonologists, meh.

The cardiologists, pshaw.

Not them, either.


It was the nephrologists that finally brought me to my knees.

Obsessively checking my pee.

Bubbles!  Froth! 

Yes, they're there in the bowl.

Aren't they?

They are.

No. 
Yes. 
Maybe?

Surely it means I'm gonna die.

From my pee.

I'm not afraid to die. 

But I just can't stop thinking about the bubbly pee.

Proteinuria.  Gonna die.

Worse than dying:  Gonna get sick and THEN die.

Dialysis, then DIE.

From the pee.

I couldn't stand it any more.

I went to my doctor.

I said, "I got bubbles in my PEE!"

She goes, "?????"

(This is a direct quote.)

Let me pee in a cup!  I'll show you.  The bubbles!

I did.

Pee in a cup.

(You'll have to imagine the details.)

The cup was bubble-free. 

I shook it. 

I'm not proud.

I put it inside the little pee-cup door.

I went back to the exam room. 

The doctor came to see me. 

She said, "Uhmmm....."

(This is a direct quote.)

She set up a psych consult.

So my very clean, protein-free, nitrite-free, blood-cell-free, everything-else-free pee is going into group thera-pee. 

Soon.
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It always comes back to the pee.  ~ Claudia

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* This quote is for real
** I might have taken slight liberties with these

Comments

[Sunnyknitter]

Maybe next time before you go to the doctor you'll ask yourself, "To pee or not to pee."

[Kristen]

Honey, you need a nice long date with your massage therapist and then a nice long nap.

[Sibylle]

Hehe,
I know this I live a good time with med students :) Try to drink more coke light perhaps than there will be more bubbles on the pee ;)

[Dave Daniels]

Yes, I can tell you've been on the road again. Truck stop and rest stops. It's all about the pee when you travel.
NO LIQUIDS FOR YOU!

[Cheryl]

Ahem, let me say that that brief monologue certainly woke me up at 6:28am. Need coffee. So, does coffee create bubbles? Cuz if it does...

[DebbieB]

Great, now I'll be obsessively checking the bowl.

[Nora]

Maybe it's just your sparkling personality.

[carol]

I think in this case, drinking liquids is bad for your health. Don't follow that 8 glasses a day thing.

[marianne]

Hahah! This brought to mind Katharine Hepburn's father, yes, he was a doctor, and seemingly very mindful that everyone pee, a lot/frequently.
So glad to hear the report :^)

[Kayten]

This may not be the best post to read after two cups of coffee when one suffers from stress- or laughter induced- incontinence. I think Hippocrates was probably referring to fulminating froth.

[Renee]

I'm so relieved this wasn't a photo heavy post!!! lol Pee well.

[Ally]

Hahaha.

Don't worry... I've been in med school a year longer than you have, and I'm not dead yet. I think you might survive ;-)

And whenever you feel that med school is making you "sick", just tell yourself: "Well, at least I'll never have to stick my finger in someone else's butt". That'll make you feel better about your situation!

[margene]

Claudia always hits the nail on the head.

[Jean]

I think you just have pee on the brain. errr... Please don't misread that has you having a pea brain. Speaking of... when I first saw the photo of the deer potty, I wondered, "How the hell did the deer get the pee that close to the door? Did it stand up on it's hind legs and pee like a man?" Imagine my relief when it wasn't deer pee or poop because it was driving me nuts. I even showed Dan (he grew up on a ranch with lots of deer, you know) and he couldn't figure it out either. Thank god it was beer and coffee beans. I'll see you in therapy. ;-)

[Kelli]

I am laughing out loud. And thanks for reminding me that I have to go to the doctor for another urinalysis. ~ksp

[Kelli]

I am laughing out loud. And thanks for reminding me that I have to go to the doctor for another urinalysis. ~ksp

[Kelli]

I am laughing out loud. And thanks for reminding me that I have to go to the doctor for another urinalysis. ~ksp

[Kelli]

I am laughing out loud. And thanks for reminding me that I have to go to the doctor for another urinalysis. ~ksp

[Elizabeth]

You are just begging for crazy google searches with this, just wait and see.

[Elizabeth]

You are just begging for crazy google searches with this, just wait and see.

[Elizabeth]

You are just begging for crazy google searches with this, begging I tell you.

[Stephanie]

I can't appreciate humor like this in the morning! Great post. The group thera-pee part though, doesn't sound all that great...

[Stephanie]

I can't appreciate humor like this in the morning! Great post. The group thera-pee part though, doesn't sound all that great...

[Stephanie]

I can't appreciate humor like this in the morning! Great post. The group thera-pee part though, doesn't sound all that great...

[Roxie]

How do you get a good head of froth on your beer? You pour it straight down from a height. When you pee into the toilet, you get the same effect. If you don't want bubbles, hold the cup close and pee down the side - just like pulling a neat pint.

[Cheryl S.]

I'm glad everything came out okay in the end. So to speak.

[claudia]

Dude, don't let the psychs get at you. Norma-humor might equal commitment.

[sil]

Dude, med school is not doing your noggin any favors!

Skip the therapy and I'll root out some of that ginger booze for you. :)

[marie in florida]

for long term relief, i'd suggest a whaling voyage on the Pee-qoad; only...you know; with out the ship wreck at the end. Or; get yourself some cranberry juice and a copy of "ahab's wife" by sena jeter, read for a s-pee-ll

[Beebs]

OMG! You are just too damned funny!

[Miriam]

bubbles in pee can also be indicative of peeing at a high velocity, which can happen from holding it too long with a lot of pressure on your bladder. You're just a little bit nuts, but we like you anyway :)

[Stephanie]

I can't appreciate humor like this in the morning! Great post. The group thera-pee part though, doesn't sound all that great...

[margaux]

hysterical.

[evalyn]

This morning in the gym, watching the closed captions on the TV, it popped up "Carlo Rollo" for Colorado. I thought of you. But that was before I knew about the pee crisis. I take it back, but FOX news needs you bad.

[tayloe]

STOP! You are killing me here Norma! I thought we were only supposed to check the color and it should be clear like water not dark now I have to look for some f*&king bubbles?!?!!

[Seanna Lea]

I'm obviously not a beer drinker, because Roxie's comment just gave me another reason not to like beer (because you can pour pee the same way doesn't have much of a ring too it)!

[Cookie]

I agree with Claudia. We don't want you on a 5150, honey. They'll take away your knitting needles.

[elizabeth a airhart]

you must be a mess batting away all that stuff
that floats before ones eyes that only you can see

do they have you talking to the trees yet
aspragus before going to the doctor at least
you will know where your cup is

[sandy]

Bubbles? In your pee? Yes, but can you poop espresso beans like that deer??
:D
xo

[gayle]

Is it just a coincidence that you seem to get more comments on "pee" posts than on any other topic?
That means it's US, right?
See you in therapy...

[Angie]

Funny, Norma. Stop listening to the lectures, honey. Just let it go from ears to fingers. No retention......Please.

[Debi]

Yeah, I had Beri Beri and African Tse Tse Fly sickness when I was in nursing school. Mysteriously, I survived these fatal diseases, um syndromes :)

I have a pee corollary for ya...when I saw an interview with Randy Pausch before he died, he said the first symptom he noticed to his eventually fatal pancreatic cancer was his poop started floating! You can imagine the scenario in my bathroom, I'm sure....hehe.

[Alarming Female]

beats the fuck out of being pregant

[Alarming Female]

can't even spell the damn word correctly as it strikes fear into my heart