Now Norma Knits

I Didn't Expect So Much Drama From a Simple Stash Sale

Oh yea, I surely do attract the crazies.

There has been considerable back-and-forth in eBay this morning between me and a person from Santorum Country who believes that I have misstated the condition of the Koigu in my stash sale. (You can read the comments at the bottom of my listings for the orange and the rose Koigu here and here.)  She believes I should be listing it as "used" condition and not new, because it's been touched and ... oh, who knows what she is talking about, but she is morally offended. Which, of course if she knew me, she would know that does not hold any sway with me whatsoever, me being completely devoid of morals and all. Morels, as well, but we are not discussing mushrooms right now, are we? 

Her evidence in support of her accusations is that you can clearly see from the photos of my yarn that it lacks the original factory twist. Yeah, well, OK. Please to note that my yarn doesn't have the original factory twist.

She has gotten to the point now of accusing that I've probably snipped a few yards off the skein to do some intarsia. Intarsia? The woman clearly has never met me and clearly has no idea what sort of knitter I am, or more accurately am NOT. She seems to be a few yards short of a skein herself, as someone very smart so aptly put it. 

I put the kibosh on it (for now) by telling her I'm done responding to her and I consider her comments to be harassment. She told me "YOU'VE BEEN TWICE WARNED" (all caps hers)

She's been quiet since I told her to bugger off, but for all I know, she's reported me to eBay for being a dishonest lister. I refused to change the condition to "used," the yarn having not ever been knit, washed, used, or even wound up into balls, and the labels still intact. That doesn't sway her at all. 

Wait till she gets to the dog saliva on the ball of Rowan Calmer that I also listed as "new." Sorry, there was no place to check for "new, but for the label having been chewed on by my errant Yorkshire Terrier."  

BUYER BEWARE!

P.S. I think I need to make a new category in the blog entitled, "Interactions With _________" You fill in the blank.

Yarn and Book Stash Sale -- You Know You Want It

Hey. I'm raising some money to buy a new steno machine as a backup to the lovely new machine I bought last year. I love the new machine -- I believe it has made an amazing difference in the health of my hands and forearms -- and also in my writing accuracy -- so much that I'm going to buy another one. It's the Stenograph Wave, and it's fabulous. It is really supposed to be the "student's" machine. It has no internal memory, so it would not be suitable for a court reporter, but it is perfect for someone like me who does exclusively CART and captioning.

I've gotten so busy (knock wood) that I can't afford to ever be without a machine if anything were to go wrong, or, say, if I ran over it or something. NOT that I have ever done anything that stupid. *cough*

And let's face it: I have way too much yarn. More than three lifetimes' worth. Well, since I haven't knit a stitch in months, it's more than an infinity's worth at this rate. Time to hoe out and bring it down to a reasonable level. Well, as reasonable as I can make it.

It turns out that eBay has gone the way of gmail and Facebook, and made everything twice as hard. Where is the progress with these geeks, I ask you! Why do they always take something that's good and fiddle with it until it's downright unpleasant? Or I don't know -- maybe I've just gotten older and more crotchety. I'm exhausted after listing just a few things. 

But! Go take a look at my listings, starting here:

I'll continue dribbling out listings until I either drop from exhaustion or I have enough money to buy a new car -- I mean a new steno machine -- or both. So you know the drill -- pass it on to all your friends -- pass it on to your significant others who might want to buy you a nice Mother's Day gift -- bid high, bid often, and all that jazz. Have fun buying my stuff! 

 

The Trauma is Still Fresh and What's That You Say? Butterflies in Vermont on April 17???????

Mr. Jefferies has still not recovered from the trauma of being abandoned outside. The cuteness is breaking my heart. If we go outside, and I make one footstep in the direction of the house, he takes off on a gallop to the door. It's so pathetically adorable and adorably pathetic, I can hardly stand it. 

We both thank you for all your messages of love and concern and commiseration. 

It's ridiculously warm here, and the day before yesterday the plum trees suddenly burst into bloom. I think they are more or less on schedule, but really it would be more normal for us to have a crippling, icy, sleety, tree-limb-breaking, car-sliding-off-the-driveway-and-stuck, swearing-like-a-mofo snowstorm just about now.

Instead, it's been 80 degrees for several days, then cooled down to 60 yesterday -- both temps well above normal for this time of year. It was very windy, so I was worried that the trees would not be pollinated. What few bees there are left in this poor sick world wouldn't be out in that heavy wind. But after work yesterday I went out and found both trees alive with activity. There were a (very) few bees, and a lot of those strange bee-impersonating flies, and about a dozen beautiful butterflies on each tree.

Butterflies! In Vermont on April 17th? That's just not riiiiiight. 

And in other bizarre garden news, get a load of my spinach (underneath the critter-discouraging pop-up net from Gardener's Supply, which sadly no longer seems to be available, but they have these instead):

And the beet and Swiss chard seeds I planted on Sunday have already germinated. If we don't have a horrible drought or another blizzard on July 4th or something, I'll be surprised. Things are freakish, but I will be a very bad Vermonter and admit that I can't say I mind the warmth and good gardening weather right at the moment. 

I did appreciate the visit to my blog and comment by a Gardener's Supply personage the other day. After about 7 or 8 years of blogging about their products and probably sending them thousands of dollars of business (well, hell, spending thousands of dollars there myself, even), someone finally noticed. But I'm not bitter. KIDDING! (Does that mean I'm kidding that I'm not bitter, or kidding that.... oh, never mind.)

I'll just do the Pioneer Woman thing and say, "They didn't pay me to say this or give me anything. Not ONE THING. Not even a coupon or anything! In fact, they don't even know I exist," and in my case I'd be telling the absolute troofth. <---------Read that in Edith Ann's voice. 

 

 

 

Terrier Tuesday -- The "I Despair of These People" Edition

Dear Readers,

SIGH. I am FED UP. And exhausted. And DISGUSTED. And relieved. And so tired.

Last evening, David and Alpha went into the house and LEFT ME OUTSIDE ALL BY MYSELF.

They were gone for, like, HOURS. I could hear the showers running, and I stood at the screen door in the kitchen (can you believe it was 80 degrees in Vermont yesterday? Me, neither.) and I was barking and barking and barking LIKE MAD. I barked until I almost lost my voice. 

My feelings were SO HURT. And I was trying to tell Alpha that SHE FORGOT ME. And then I thought, "She just doesn't CARE about me anymore."

I decided to try to melt her heart by going all around the yard and picking up all my toys and lining them up near the door. And I thought, "Well, if she doesn't like this one, maybe she'll like THIS one and come and let me in."

And I'd go to the screen door with each one and BARK SOME MORE. And then Alpha yelled at me from far away in the house to stop barking. And then I heard her leave the shower room and start to go up to her office. And SHE DIDN'T EVEN COME TO GET ME. 

So I started to run around the back of the house to try to tell her, "I'm HERE. I'm OUT HERE! Come and LET ME IN!" And she still didn't come, even though I had changed my voice to tell her, "SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG HERE."

But then all of a sudden I heard her calling my name. Oh, that SWEET SOUND. She was calling my name, and she was saying, "Jeffies! Oh, Baby! Where are you?" and then I ran to the screen door and barked in another different voice that said, "Oh, hello, thank GOODNESS you still love me! Because I love YOU very, very, very much, and look what a good boy I was! I love you! Very much!"

And then David came running down the stairs and said, "How did THAT happen?"

And Alpha said, "I thought he was with YOU! But I suddenly realized that that bark was different and that he was really in trouble."

Well, anyway, people. I never want that to happen again.

Love, 

 

Mr. Jefferies

Want To Get Your Mind Boggled?

Click here.

 

Look What I Did Today

"Yeah, yeah," you say, "so you bought another travel mug from Starbucks."

 

But look! In the sea of choices marked "Made in China," I found a few items on the shelves that are marked "Made in USA." These may have been there all along -- the trademark/copyright date says 2011 -- but it's the first time I've noticed them. They are said to be BPA-free, and made of 30% post-consumer recycled plastic. 

Well done, Starbucks! I said I would buy mugs when the Made in the USA ones hit the shelves, and I started today. 

This is a slow week for me, while all of my students are busy taking exams. Next week things will ramp up steeply again, and so I'd best take advantage of the time I have this week. I bought a few cold-hardy veggie plants and put them in. 

Having discovered broccoli raab last year, and loving it, I bought six plants this year and plunked them in.

And under cover of the trusty inexpensive coldframe from Gardener's Supply (this is year three, and it's still in great shape), I have four Winterbore kale plants, eight lettuce plants, a curly parsley, several arugulas, and then I threw in a few seeds for radishes and more arugula:

Let growing season commence!

Terrier Tuesday -- The Mouse Edition

Dear Readers:

There was a MOUSE IN OUR HOUSE! The other night! I saw it! I cornered it! I played with it! I chased it! I told Alpha where it was! But I am a Buddhist (I bet you didn't know that), so I didn't kill it. Please don't scoff like Alpha did. It hurt my feelings. She said unkind things like, "Don't you KNOW you are a terrier?"  

"Yes, Alpha, I am VERY WELL AWARE. Bug the hell right off, won't you?"

And then the mouse went and hid under the heating baseboard and we never saw it again. Unless that was the one that got caught in a trap that night, but I guess we will never know. 

Anyway, I thought it was fun. Alpha, I don't think she thought so.

In honor of the fun I had with that, I thought I'd share a couple of fun dog videos that I bet you will like.

 

 

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And DON'T MISS THIS ONE. My Alpha has watched this about a dozen times. Any time she feels a little bit down, she goes and has a watch. I bet you'll like it, too, if you haven't already seen it.  

Love,

 

Mr. Jefferies

 

Saturday Sky and A Few Other Tidbits

Good morning, April Saturday!

Raise your hand if you remember Saturday Sky, a regular feature in knitblogland started by our own lovely Sandy, back in the halcyon days when we were all the cool kids, and we all remembered to check in on each other and remember each other when there were invitations to be sent or announcements to be made, and all that kind of good stuff.

Those were the days. We miss those days, Sandy and I. We do. Time does march on, though, and it's impossible to go back. And some of us might have faded into the background, but please try not to forget us. We are still here, even if we have become so busy with our work and our families and our health concerns that we forget to blog, or email as often as we once did, or send gifts and go to alllll the festivals anymore. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

So anyway, this morning I'm enjoying coffee in my new Doc Martin (I love that show) mug, the one I got when I made a donation to Vermont Public Television.

I was so excited to get it in the mail yesterday. My excitement was a bit dampened when I saw it stamped "Made in China" on the bottom. I can't wait for the Starbucks shops to start carrying their made-in-the-usa mugs. I'm not sure when the first ones will appear on the actual shelves, but I will be buying, and I hope you will be, too. I keep looking when I go in, but I'm sure there will be some time before it actually happens. 

When I went outside to snap the photo of the sky, I couldn't help but notice HOW NICE IT WAS outside, and how fast things are growing already, and how much work there is to be done around here. I don't mind admitting (well, actually I do mind one hell of a lot) that I have slowed down a lot. After having spent almost six months with that hip or pelvis (or whatever the heck it was; ok, it was in that general vicinity, ok?) pain, and finally getting over that, I feel great, but I also feel just a bit afraid that if I overdo, I'll end up back there. And the current definition of "overdo" is much different than the old definition of "overdo."

I don't use this word much -- it rubs me the wrong way somehow -- but this condition [of feeling over the hill or however you want to characterize it] SUCKS. 

And also? That person I see in the mirror with the new face with new lines all over it, but that still somehow manages to be rounder; the chin hairs; the grays; and the thicker waistline and thicker back fat poofing out over and under the bra straps.... who the hell is she and where did she put Norma? Honestly. We are not amused.

As David says (usually just before I coincidentally reach over and belt him up side the head), "It beats the alternative." No, actually, it doesn't. I suppose it all depends on your point of view, your religion, and your politics. But we won't go there -- those are dangerous topics for a blog. As we know. Ha!

Anyhoo. I think I'll go clean something or cut some brush or start some seeds or something. No sense brooding. 

What else? It seemed like I had so much I was going to tell you, but now all I can think about is going outside and working off some of this back fat. 

Here is a shot of Mr. Jefferies feeling very good about himself after he dutifully cleared the yard of errant noisy, taunting birds, which are still taunting him, even as we speak. We had a mouse in the house the other night, but I'll leave that story for him to tell you about on Tuesday.

It wasn't until I uploaded this photo that I noticed that our porch posts are in need of some attention. And get a load of that grass that needs mowing. Perhaps I'll go have another cup of coffee. 

 

The Time-Out Corner for Misbehaving Carts at Costco

Terrier Tuesday -- Alpha CARTed The President of the United States, And All I Got Were These Lousy Photos

Dear Readers,

You might have read in the papers or saw on TV that the President of the United States came flying in on Air Force One to our little state last Friday, and yep, you guessed it, Alpha was gone for a long time, and yep, you guessed it, she claims that she did her ticky-tacky job that she does on that funky machine right there in the room where the president was! 

She said it was really interesting, and she loved listening to the president and says he has a very cute smile. And there were a LOT of people there. And lots of those guys like you see in the movies with little plastic cords coming out from their ears and down their big strong necks into their black suits, who don't smile much (but smile a little sometimes) and stand still like statues and then move around the room and shoot their eyes around, and there were lots of other men in the back with flak jackets and big guns and big dogs, not like little Yorkies at all, and... and...and... 

Well, I'm a little bit breathless just trying to tell it all to you. It was very, very exciting and fun. Well, for Alpha, it was. For me, it was just like a regular day, lying in my bed, safe in my pen, while she was gone. You know. 

Sadly, Alpha's captions were not displayed up on big screens for everyone to see. Nor were they applied to the live stream of the event that was put on the internet by the local paper. Alpha is just a teeny bit peeved about that, because she thinks that the ADA -- you know, if it were a person like corporations are -- would have a thing or two to say about that. 

The captions were only done for Ally, because out of a crowd of 4,400 or so people, she was the ONLY ONE who asked for it, because we all know that not enough people realize that they can ask for it, and sadly we have not evolved as a civilization enough for the organizers of these events to think it is appropriate to provide captions universally, even if they are not asked (or oftentimes even if they ARE) so that the approximately 1 in 7 people present for this thing... and if we do the math, that would be approximately ... um.... let me count.... about 600 people who were there, statistically speaking, who had hearing loss and maybe even more who probably would have benefited from captions. But Alpha says DON'T GET HER STARTED. You know how she can get when she starts getting on her soapbox about equal access for all, and all that. 

But anyway, she promised to take photos, but then she yelled at me afterwards, saying, "Look, I was WORKING, all right?! I could only take a tiny few photos before anything really got started. Coz after it got started, I had to pay attention and be writing on that funny machine! Sheesh."

So here's what we got:

This is Ally, taking a photo of the stage.

Our distinguished, and very popular, Senator Leahy, is arriving. So is the perhaps-even-more-popular Bernie Sanders, but she didn't even seem to get a picture of him.

See, there is her CART setup for Ally and the few people who were lucky enough to be standing right behind her, who really wanted to read the captions -- including one Secret Service man who was quite intrigued.

And look at the great seats they had! Only a very few people had seats -- a few of the people who paid primo amounts for tickets, and people who had disabilities. The rest was standing room only. 

Alpha was a little miffed, if you must know, about the people who were clearly gaming the system. Indeed, there were people in there who were infirm and in wheelchairs who needed to sit in that area. The others were just clearly experienced at breaking the rules. Oh yes, they were definitely disabled enough to sit there, but as soon as things started, they sure could stand in front of her table to take pictures, blocking her and Ally's view. She tapped on their shoulders and asked them to move over or sit down. And when it was time to leave, you should just have SEEN how able-bodied many of them were, able to jump over her table, over her cables on the floor, between the very narrow spaces where they weren't supposed to go, and over gates to get out of there fast. Uh-huh.

Sigh.

Alpha guesses there are always going to be people like that who are put on this earth just to piss her off, and that just goes to show you why she says she hates people. 

 

But lucky for me, she loves Yorkies.

Love,

 

Mr. Jefferies