Now Norma Knits

Lucy Lips

After I ordered this lipstick the other day, I suddenly had a giggle fit remembering a friend at the BBC. Her name was Lucy. She was young -- in her late 20s, I suppose -- had red hair, painted-in red eyebrows, and extremely white skin. She wore deadly red lipstick. She was stunning, gorgeous, and (probably too-) HEAVILY MADE UP, because she said she felt she needed to be because her features would fade into the background if not. But she told the story of her former workplace, and her learning after several years that the people there called her LUCY LIPS behind her back. I still remember her hilarious pronunciation of "Lucy Lips." It gave me a fit of giggles then -- and the memory of it still does today. 

Lucy Lips Sink Ships, I suppose. 

I have had an impossible time of finding the right shade of red lipstick after the highly successful Boots No. 7 shade, Jamaica Rum, I bought in London was discontinued (and I am no longer in London anyway, to get some). It was a brown red, and it still needed to be toned down with a light beige coat over it in order for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with it. And then it was jussssssst perfect. 

And here's the funny thing:  When we were discussing Lucy Lips together, it was because of her wanting to know my shade of lipstick. I told her, and it turns out that was HER shade, but they looked COMPLETELY different on each of us. (Then again, there was the complicating factor of me putting the toning-down beige coat over the top of mine.) It was the talk of the day that day at the Beeb -- "Norma and Lucy wear the same shade of lipstick, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!" (It's not like we had any actual work to do or anything.)

People used to compliment me, saying, "You look so healthy!" whenever I wore that lipstick. It was absolutely the lipstick, because they would always say that when I wore that shade, but not say a thing when I wore other shades. So anyway, I fell for this Elizabeth Arden one the other day when I saw the ad online because it said "sheer."  I hope I didn't just throw away 20 bucks. Details when I give it a test drive. I have fears that I will look like Carol Burnett's impression of Norma Desmond. 

Do you have a red lipstick story?

Terrier Tuesday -- Staying Out of Her Way

Dear Readers,

A.Alpha is very busy this week. It's a little bit stressful for all of us, but she is very happy to be busy for about the first time in this calendar year. We have that in common -- we both like to be busy. So we all pitch in around here to try to make it work for each other. Which in a nutshell means, STAY OUT OF HER WAY. Otherwise, there is just hell to pay. And I am not kidding.

For my part, I've turned Staying Out Of Her Way into an art form. One tactic I employ is I agree to stay out of her hair for long periods of time if she gives me a fresh marrow bone, sized just about right for a little dog like me. She buys these at the supermarket and keeps them in the freezer for when she wants to do the equivalent of sticking a movie into the DVD player for a little kid. She says she never did that with Abigail like the other parents did, but now that she sees how well it works with me, she kind of wishes she did. It would have made motherhood so much easier and more pleasurable, she says.

Here I am, enjoying my bone on the rug that A.Alpha says I can get messy because she can just toss it in the washer. I trust A.Alpha all the way, so I let her get this close to my bone and to take a picture of me while I'm devouring the wonderful deliciously good goodness. David, he's another story. If he gets within 12 feet of me I grab the bone and RUN! He does get a great amount of entertainment out of tormenting me by pretending to go after my bone. I of course know he's just kidding, but HE doesn't know I know. And so I humor him by pretending to be territorial and protective and frightened when he comes near. You'd think he'd tire of this game, but no. He just won't stop, and he laughs and laughs at his "cleverness." 

Humans! They are such simpletons, so easily amused. *yawwwwwn*

Love,

Mr. Jefferies

Get Your Garden Groove On!

1. Online coupons from Gardener's Supply can be found here. Get yourself a grow bed or something at 10-15% off, or free shipping -- take your pick! No, I'm not affiliated, nor do I have a financial interest or any kickbacks. (Gah, I hate having to be bothered to say that. But there you go. Such is life in modern blog world. Sheesh.)

2. Until yesterday, I was a Lowe's virgin. Well, ya know, one big box hardware/everything/petrochemically-smelling store is the same as the next, I suppose, but I did have fun in there, because I haven't done any of that kind of shopping in so long. I picked up some more peat pots for seedstarting (at about a third the price that virtually the same thing was being offered at one of my usual shopping places) and another couple of pairs of gardening/yardwork gloves for me and David, and a set of pruners to replace my old standby favorites that are really worn out and quite useless at this point. I browsed the bathroom and kitchen improvement areas. Both are areas of my house that, if money were no object, I'd do over in a heartbeat. And I drooled over some Bali Roman shades for the living room. But this post is supposed to be about gardening, and anyway, all I did is window-shop with that other stuff.  (see: "if money were no object")

PLUS, BONUS: I snapped at the checkout clerk. I was holding out my reusable shopping bag to him, and he didn't seem to understand what it was for. He looked right at me, looked at the bag in my hand, and then put the items in one of his plastic bags. 

Apparently I was more snapping-turtle-like than I even realized, because the teenage girl who was at the next checkout stand looked over and smiled oddly (and perhaps uncomfortably, or maybe I was just feeling a bit self-conscious) when I said, "No! HERE'S MY BAG! No plastic bag for me, PLEASE!" and the poor young man looked terribly chastised and embarrassed, as if I had just slapped him in the face. He truly, I could see, had not a CLUE why I would want to use my own bag and to not take a plastic bag. I am really quite saddened by this. 

This is Vermont, arguably one of the greenest-minded of all places in the U.S., if not the world, and kids (I'm a terrible judge of age now, since I'm 50 and think I'm 26 -- so I don't know how old this bloke was -- perhaps 19, or 20-something) and adults are simply not educated about this, even here. Just as I was a few years ago, blithely going along in my ultra-consumerist ways, there are just.so.many.people who just don't "get" why it's an issue. My extended family, for example. And people who sarcastically gripe at me that perhaps I'm suggesting that they build a fire in their front yard to heat the water to bathe their babies. What kind of a RETROGRESSIVE MONSTER AM I, they are asking! WHY SHOULD WE GO BACKWARDS, they wonder! Our "people" have worked so hard to get us to where we ARE! It MUST BE some sort of leftist/socialist/communist/fascist plot to.... what, exactly?  

Do you (the rhetorical you) really think *I* want to start hand-washing my clothes in a bucket on a scrub board like my grandmother did? Or to heat the old flatirons on the wood stove, or fill some of them up with coal to iron my clothes? NO. Do you think I want to give up my car and walk absolutely everywhere? Do I want to have to read by candlelight or live without central heating? Do I want to stop dyeing my hair or occasionally using chlorine bleach to whiten my clothes or even to wash my produce (yes, I do this occasionally) to help protect against salmonella or e.coli? Do I do as much as I probably could do if I were even more committed to being the absolute paragon of eco-virtue? (e.g., do I often carpool? do I ride my bike or walk to the grocery store on a regular basis? do I usually walk to my favorite restaurant, even though it is within easy walking distance? same goes with my gym, my eye doctor, my dentist -- all within easy walking distance, but do I most of the time? No.)

Do I think everyone can have a vegetable and fruit garden? Do I think everyone can live without a car? Do I think everyone can buy organic? Do *I* even buy organic or local ALL.the.time? Do I even remember to bring my refillable mug 100% of the time?

Are you (the rhetorical "you" again) NUTS? 

This is where I assume the voice of Cher in Moonstruck:  

"SNAP OUT OF IT!"

We can't do it all. Well, maybe we could. It's amazing what humans are capable of if they have to or want to. And maybe we will be forced to against our will if we don't smarten up and do the things we CAN do -- the things that are so easy and such no-brainers to do that they really should be almost mandatory, to my mind. 

Sheer youthful innocence or naivete is one thing, but to claim to be educated and to be in denial (and worse, to be a loud and obnoxious celebrity denier on the television or radio) about it at this point in our state of knowledge is nothing but pitiful hubris -- as pitiful and weak and ridiculous as denying, in this day and age, that smoking is harmful to one's health. 

I love this blogger's take on Earth Hour, link sent to me by Carol.

And have you got a few minutes? 

Watch this video.

(Thanks, Erika, for mentioning this link the other day.)

rant over

(for today)

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3. I'm very excited about one new gardening investment I made yesterday. I ordered one of these popup insect net thingies specifically designed for my 3' X 6' grow beds. It's back-ordered, but will be here well before I need it if their projected date of shipping turns out to be accurate.  

The idea is to try to foil the squash bugs and the moths that lay the eggs that become the squash vine borers in my summer squash and zucchini. They break my heart EVERY.STINKIN'.YEAR. Between those two things AND the cucumber beetles, my cucurbits hardly stand a chance. I am hoping I can foil them with these covers. Of course, every control effort like this also includes a down side. In this case, it's that if the net cover is on, the pollinators can't get in. So on sunny days I will have to go out and take the cover off and let the bees in, or hand-pollinate, and even at that, the freaking yellow cucumber beetles work during the day as well, so I'm not sure how well I will fare with this treatment. 

It's a labor of love, that's for sure. But it could be worth it. I just hope it works out. Then my season's harvest of summer squash and zucchini will probably pay for the cost of the netting -- if not in one season, then definitely in two. Most years I've been lucky to get three or four little fruits off each before the plants succumb to the pests, and I could just cry when I hear people say they are overrun with zukes. That never happens to me. So now hear this! I want to be back in this space at the end of July COMPLAINING LOUDLY that I have TOO DAMN MANY zucchini, and I want to be so overrun with them that I'll be stealth-mailing them to my enemies. 

4. OH, OH! Timely, and you might say topical, last-minute news:

Those are Our Ryan's hands. 

Growing

I had fun taking the color out of this photo, but yes, they are green. Unfortunately I did not mark my pots with what I put where, so though I will be able to identify them later when they get past the cotyledon stage and get their first true leaves, all I can tell you right now is that they are some brassica or another -- either bok choy, broccoli, collards or kale -- all of which I planted. The lettuces are proving much slower to germinate, but it appears that some of them are coming along. I used seeds left over from last year that I haven't taken optimum care of, so I may not get full germination. Fingers crossed.

 

BUI

At our favorite restaurant alst night, I suddenly said to David, "This is taking a really long time to get a shrimp cocktail and a cup of soup, eh?"  

And we sipped on our wien and talked. 

After a while, the waitreess brought us our soup and cocketail, with huge apoliigies, syaing, "I'm sor sorrrry.  The kitchen lost your ticket."

"Oh, that's all right, I say. God thing we have our wine."  she sayd, "I'm going to btring the bottle back and sort of FILL UP YOUR GLASSES.

oh, nice! I say. 

and the wrhimp cocktail was ZOMG rally good. 

Then she brought our dinner salads and thebottle of wine. Ans dhes filled up our glasses. THey were big glasses. And lot sof other people we knew were terrem and we thchatted with them. then the waitress filled up our glasses agin. And I just got home and i'm blogggging under the influence. Can you believe I spelled influence right?  That's hwo fooogd I am, even drunk.

Mr. Jefferies is concerned. he's wondering WTF is up wiht me. And I'm still lauahgin about the preson (I suppose Ann Coulter's right-hand-lady) who said in the comments yesterday she's goint to keep extra lights on in honor or the humans who took us out of adarkaneesss instead of tyurningoff the fuckinglihghts liek a bunch of weirdo tree0hugerrs that we wakced-up liberals are. ann coulter says we think that humasn are a bunch of locusts or parasites who shouldn't be allowed ot use t hte earth like it's our bitch as it really is, or some such crap as that. she's right. we ARE. Maybe she'll choke on a plasti cbag or something or other with Sarah Palinl. But tha'ts not me,. ti's the wine talking,a nd we whould all do our duty anha have more babies, because this world needs more sane people.=like them. 

In a court of alw I will claim non compos mentis.

Huh. Who knew my knolewdge of Latin was intosication-proof.

I shoudl bowl a breathalizer right now.

The Story of Stuff: Bottled Water ... and other Green Things To Think About

EARTH HOUR 2010 is this Saturday, from 8:30-9:30 your local time. Are you going to participate? I will be. I was originally thinking that I should have my computer batteries well charged so I can surf the 'net, then I realized that I'm also going to turn off my internet. My goal is to use as close to zero electricity during that hour as possible. So though my computer batteries might indeed be charged, I will just be watching a rented DVD or some such. Or perhaps I will listen to my book on iPod.

I joined the eBay green team last week when I saw an ad for it in the most recent Esquire magazine. "Joining" doesn't mean much, except that it gave me a cute little logo on my Facebook photo. And there is a sweepstakes, which, well...you know. But buying and selling pre-owned with intention, particularly electronics and plastic things -- I liked being reminded to stop getting my stupid phone changed every two years JUST BECAUSE I CAN, for example. If it's still working for me, I don't need a new one. Damn, what a concept. And so I "joined" more as a way of spreading the idea in Facebook and on Twitter (and now here), and to remind myself to live with intention.

That day, too, I brought three laptops, a desktop computer, and a wireless internet card to ReSOURCE so that someone else can use equipment that is obsolete for my needs, but still very usable and useful for others -- including those who are being trained there to repair and restore these items.

Did I ever tell you how much of a stink bomb was my offered family Yankee exchange item this past year? No, I didn't. But I will now. I was sooo excited about it -- SO EXCITED(!) -- that I really wanted to keep it myself, but I tried to remind myself that I already had so many, and this was all about gift-giving, so I wrapped these up very nicely in a reusable tin. I could not believe that it was THE most unpopular item, so much so that eventually my mother said, "Oh, all right, *I'll* take it." And she feigned enthusiasm, and informed my youngest sister (who had been the recipient of the gift and whose question with wrinkled nose was, "Do you really USE these?!") that soon they are going to start charging you at the stores for plastic bags, to which my sister moaned, "But I use them for taking out my garbage!" 

But then my mom "accidentally" left it at my house. So I waited a while to see if she would come back to take it. But no. So then I texted her, "Did you mean to leave your present here?" And I got no response. 

So, though I already have about a dozen reusable bags, I was thrilled to add to my collection four more really AWESOME ones:

First Rule of Yankee Exchange: Get something you'd like for yourself, and hope no one else wants it. Ha.

One Million Acts of Green is a great site for ideas and reminders and a place to record your "daily act of green." I don't have time or the inclination to record any of my "acts of green," but I like to get the Tweets (when I have the patience and temperament for Twitter, which is rather rare, actually) that contain some good ideas. Their logo has been in my sidebar for about a year now, and they now have a Facebook page, as well. 

I urge you to watch this and then act accordingly, if you haven't already:
 

I can't get enough of The Onion (Warning: Someone Utters the R Word)

This is a rather busy week for me -- a very welcome busy, since it's been slow for a while, and the lack of pain allows me to feel really on top of things. I'm still practically walking on clouds about the elbow situation being taken care of and the ability to get back to yoga. I'm feeling better than I've felt in what seems like a very long time. 

Last night after CARTing my Canadian Postmodern Literature class (which was on The Handmaid's Tale), I came home and listened to a webinar for continuing education points, while knitting. The little green things in the peat pots are a little bit bigger and there are more of them. 

All is well with the world.  Well, all except that winter seems to have returned to my part of the world. 

The Onion continues to entertain:

Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During Meeting

Random Wednesday

1. Mr. Jefferies has had two days without any appreciable exercise due to the rain and fog and the fact that, despite his most fervent wishes, once in a while I do have to leave the house to be gainfully employed. Let me just say, I had to peel him off the walls and ceilings a couple of times last night, as well as remove sharp objects from his mouth that he managed to find to chew on. "Okay, you won't give me attention of your own free will? We'll JUST SEE about that, A.Alpha!" Pray for some dry weather so I don't have to smack him down today, ok?

2. I drove home in maybe the worst fog I have ever driven in last night. I tried to take photos of it when I got home, but they did not work out that well. Surprisingly, they just looked like blurry gray blobs, not at all like the lovely artistic creations I was hoping they'd be.  

 

3. But I came home to these:

These are not out-of-focus cupcakes. They are peat pots with LITTLE GREEN GROWING THINGS IN [a few of] THEM. 

4. And this really made me laugh. Gotta love The Onion.

Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips On Single Serve Microwavable Meals

Terrier Tuesday -- Sweater Quest Blog Tour Edition

Dear Readers,

It's been really boring around here, and the weather has turned dull, rainy, sleety, and grey. And following on the heels of the gloriousness that was last week, with the blue skies and the warmth and the sweet-smelling air, it's even harder to take and shoves one's dysphoric mood into an all-time low.

You know how I hate to walk in those conditions! And A.Alpha was not giving me the attention I deserved. Where was the play?! Where WAS the play?!

I thought I'd die from the tedium, so I was suuuuuuuper-glad when the mail carrier brought me a copy of Adrienne Martini's new book, Sweater Quest, to read. 

 

It was a very fun read and it kept me entertained while A.Alpha was busy doing whatEVER it is that she does for so many hours while I'm just about ready to chew off my own leg. (And one of these days she'll be very sorry when she finds out I am not just bluffing about that, too.)

So I rang up Adrienne to talk about the book, and we had a nice little chat. It went like this:

ME: As you may know, Adrienne – you don’t mind if I call you Adrienne, do you? – I’m a Yorkshire Terrier. They tell me that my ancestors hail from the north of England, really not too far south of Scotland, where Alice Starmore lives. Tell me honestly: If perhaps A.Alpha were inclined to knit me a Starmore-inspired sweater, do you think I could I pull it off? Would it be too much? Would we both stand to be arrested and/or shunned by the entire knitterverse, by the fashion police, or worse:  be in violation of copyright?

ADRIENNE:  In my opinion, your average Yorkshire Terrier has sufficient panache to pull off a Starmore-inspired sweater. You, Mr. Jefferies have more than enough spunk to rock not only a Fair Isle jumper but a matching tam as well. On one such as yourself, there is no such concept as too much when it comes to handknits.

As for the knitterverse and/or the fashion police, I’m inclined to not care about the shunning. Seriously - have you seen Joan Rivers lately? Ask A.Alpha to show you a picture. If hers is the looks we should aspire towards, let me never reach that height.

As for copyright, well, I do not play a lawyer, either in real life or on tv. But I won’t tell if you won’t.

  ME:   I am intimately familiar with knitting – and I do mean intimately. Why, I regularly sleep on the lap of a knitter and I’ve been in trouble once or twice for mistaking a ball of silk-, wool-, and cashmere yarn for a toy. But as I was reading Sweater Quest, I couldn’t help but notice that you took great pains to define all the terms, specialized lingo, and acronyms that would be very familiar to a knitting audience, but not so much to a reader who is not a knitter. What lessons do you think that a person who doesn’t know his bits from his kibble knits from his yarn-overs can take away from Sweater Quest?

ADRIENNE: Sweater Quest isn’t just for knitters, which is why there are the explanations about the jargon and basic technique. My hope is that anyone who has ever been smitten to the point of compulsion by a craft project will find the journey enjoyable and enlightening. It’s a universal human thing, this creative/crafty itch and not just a knitter thing.

It may also be a Terrier thing - but you guys seem to be more about destruction than construction.

3.  ME: My Alpha is heavily involved with the Red Scarf Project and has even had me pose for a picture in a red scarf. She says it’s one of the prices I have to pay for the lap-time. FINE! Whatever! Tell us what you know about knitters and charity. They’re pretty freakin’ awesome; am I right?

ADRIENNE:  Knitters and charity are like chocolate and peanut butter; they are just a freakin’ awesome combo.

I’m continually amazed by both individual knitters' desire to help and the community’s ability to organize. While Stephanie Pearl-McPhee’s work with Doctors Without Borders is one of the more impressive examples, it is by no means the only one. Your Alpha has done great work with the Red Scarves (and I’m sure your input is appreciated). But charity works on an even smaller scale, too. My local knitting group is trying to make 180+ helmet liners, one for each local soldier stationed in a war zone. Like knitting itself, each of these individual stitches adds up to something inspiring.

Thanks so much for the questions, Mr. Jefferies! Please ask A.Alpha to give you a special treat from me.

Right, then. I'd say it's time for that treat. A fresh marrow bone would do nicely, thank you.

Love,

Mr. Jefferies

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The book is Sweater Quest, by Adrienne Martini, published by Simon & Schuster.  Read and hear more about it here.

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A Picture is Worth 43,000 Words

Chandell in Her Red Scarf

Isn't that a beautiful sight?

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I've been itching to work on the green cotton Pure Pima sweater that I have in mind, and I rolled up one of the hanks yesterday, but I'm staying the course on my in-the-works projects. A couple rows here and a couple rows there on my red scarf really adds up quickly. It seems that I have spent no real time on this, but it's already a foot long. 

And with the return of the cold weather and the return of my healthy extremities, I'm planning on getting back to my mom's Fair Isle sweater, too.