Holy Crap, Jean Kilbourne Talks Fast. Like 6 Bazillion Words A Minute

That's quite all right because I steno fast, and my newly tuned steno machine performed like a champ, so it was all good, and it's good practice for my Saturday event with Hunk Stewart.  Ms. Kilbourne gives a good talk, but I was fortunate that I had had some coffee beforehand.  After the event I had another one of those frustrating discussions with an audience member who wanted to buy the voice recognition software that I use. 

HER:  Excuse me.  Can I ask you a technology question?

ME:  Sure.

HER:  (waving her hand across my "stuff") This is all the property of the university.  (a statement; not so much a question)

ME:  No, it's all mine.  The university hires me on an as-needed basis.

HER:  Because I was wondering if you're available for transcribing interviews.  

This is where I have to gingerly step around the issue of "you couldn't possibly afford me," without sounding too obnoxious.  I tell her that I don't do that, but there are people who do, as in from the firm I used to be a part of.  Oh, no, she tells me, she wants something simultaneous.  She's tried voice recognition software that you can just plug in, but it's not good enough.  I tell her that yes, there are court reporters who no longer practice as court reporters, but transcribe things such as taped interviews.  She interrupts me to say oh, yes, she knows about COURT REPORTERS, but that's not what she MEANS.  She wants to know about the TECHNOLOGY, the VOICE RECOGNITION.  I tell her that I AM a court reporter and the VOICE RECOGNITION is ME.  "No, court reporters are not affordable -- I've tried that."  And someone listening to a taped interview is not sitting right there to be sure that it's all accurate and that everything is PICKED UP BY THE TAPE.  She is clearly not getting it at all, no matter how many times I try to explain it.  She keeps interrupting me and lecturing me that she really just wants to know where she can buy the TECHNOLOGY.  It's probably not affordable, such incredibly good voice recognition TECHNOLOGY, and that she realizes that it's ME who is MONITORING this wonderful VOICE RECOGNITION TECHNOLOGY that has such incredibly good VOCABULARY and understands the person so WELL.  I say no, it's probably not affordable, and I reiterate that the VOICE RECOGNITION is ME.  It's ME, understanding the words, writing them in steno, then it is transcribed instantly based on what I WRITE.  This is simply not believable to her, and she thinks I am NOT UNDERSTANDING HER.  She TELLS me, "No, you are NOT writing EVERY WORD!"  "Yes, I am."  She needs to start YELLING at me to make me understand, because I'm quite the dunce and SLOW to underSTAND her. 

Then she starts to quiz me as to what it's FOR.  I tell her it's to give access to people with hearing loss.  Why aren't you ARCHIVING her SPEECH?!  (The tone was implying, "What a WASTE!")  [I was not about to get into intellectual property and copyright issues with her.]

Bloody hell.

After several minutes of talking to her at cross purposes, my video team member Roger intervened to rescue me.  We were in a large now-empty lecture hall, and he was about to leave the room at the top of the stairs (I was down in the bottom).  He yells, "Norma, do you NEED HELP CARRYING OUT YOUR STUFF?"

Roger is a prince.

Comments

[Kristen]

If I had been there, I'd have kicked her in the shins for you. Have I mentioned that my footwear of choice is Dansko clogs?

I'm totally jealous of your Saturday date. No, really. I'd even consider tossing over my Saturday date for a crack at him!

[Ruth]

(bangs head on desk on your behalf). Or perhaps it would have been more effective to have picked up a desk and banged HER on the head with it. More satisfying, anyway.

[Alison]

Good grief. I am genuinely near-speechless at such rudeness. I mean, not understanding you is one thing, but yelling at you because she thinks *you* don't understand *what you do* for a living??

[Kate]

I love stupid people. No really, go with me here... they are great blog fodder. Sorry it was a difficult translation when talking to her, y'know... English to idiot. :)

[Carole]

I really hate stupid people.

[margene]

Wow! What a bee-atch. Good for Roger...not all men would understand what was going on.

[Renee]

You're too nice, I'd have told her she's an idiot and to get bleeping lost... lol
Now Roger sounds like he's more than alright. :)

[Elizabeth L in Apex, NC]

If I might offer a suggestion for next time? Offer to discuss all of this later via email, as you need to get to your next appointment, and then give the questor your card. If she actually contacts you, just send her a price quote. You won't actually have to talk to her - we've seen how well that works - and she'll either get it (not likely) or be so frustrated she'll leave you alone.

I don't know why, but it sure does seem like the idiots are out in force nationwide this week...

[AnnaMarie]

I don't know how you keep cool in those situations. I know I'd turn into Bitch 1000 faster than she could talk.

I don't do steno but I used to type something like 120 wpm on a regular typewriter and my boss would regularly call me from his hotel room and dictate to me over the phone for hours. Thank all that's holy I had a headset or my head would still be tilted. I could sit and zone out, typing his dictation for hours. I did this for $9 an hour. I was an idiot.

[(formerly) no-blog-rachel]

Oy. And I think I love Roger.

[Adelaide]

I know someone who thinks it is perfectly OK to slap stupid people.

[naomi]

Oh, my. (Brains are, indeed, better than computers at lots of things.)

[Anne]

May I suggest you type out a little informational flyer? You could put on it what you are doing, what your training and experience are, what equipment you have, that there is no voice recognition software, etc. and hand it to these Alpha Hotels (pilot speak for A**Hole) without saying a word. Then if any further questions are asked, rude ones, you could smile and say, "you are holding all the answers" and ignore them. But I do like the suggestion to kick 'em in the shins!

[Manise]

Total dunce.

[Phyllis]

I generally lurk, but I have to comment:

You, woman, are a SAINT!! I would have killed the eejit by the third time you repeated that the voice recognition was YOU.

A SAINT!!

::crawling back into lurkerdom::
Phyllis

[Aldona]

Wow. It really is a week for idiocy! Did anybody read Franklin's Panopticon blog yesterday? The spring thaw must be turning people's brains to mush.

[Carol]

Yikes. You stayed cool despite a lack of diet coke in your bloodstream? Your detox must be complete.

[Mary Fran]

See, now what I would have done is (if I had your talent) is start transcribing her rants - so her idiocy was displayed on your screen. People just suck.

[marianne]

Roger is a good man.
I just had to walk away from the computer for a bit after reading this and checking out the Kilbourne link. which just led me into a different rant, it's an old rant, but I won't go into 'that'. My response re: her behavior? 'Poor old thing'. (hee, she'd have a field day with that,eh?)
Gee.... isn't there a book out there she could read about..oh say... common courtesy, rudeness, rules of engagement to conversation, logic.. and something addressing the idea that one is not always right about everything... "language is a virus".

[Lynn in VA]

She sounds like a clone of the woman who explained to the Yarn Harlot that she (the YH) was actually crocheting, not knitting, because SHE (the alpha hotel - gotta remember that one!) knew the difference. There are a lot of them running around - including the one on the train with Franklin. There must be a lab out in Area 54 where they crank these dames out.

[gayle]

Maybe just a business card that says "THERE IS NO VOICE-RECOGNITION SOFTWARE HERE! REPEAT: NO SOFTWARE!"
Hand the idiot the card, and ask them to read it out loud. Idiots don't recognize any words that don't come out of their own mouths...

[regina]

You're a woman of enviable patience.

[Adrienne]

OMG, people are morons.

[Cheryl S.]

But you never answered the question. What IS the voice recognition software you use?
/ducks and runs

[Jena (the yarn harpy)]

Short of the way I'd end up handling it (speaking very slowly and condescendingly, making it clear how stupid I think she is for not understanding and using words that are carefully carefully carefully chosen), I think Anne's idea of a Norma FAQ is excellent.

[Collette]

Oh my.

[KittyMommy]

Dude. I had that same conversation yesterday. Except different topic and with the owner of our rental unit. I just hate people who live their own reality and don't hear anything that doesn't match up with it. Especially when they insinuate that anyone not living their odd little reality must be there solely to make trouble for them.

[Erin]

Wow. I always thought a steno machine was pretty unique-looking--it'd be hard to mistake, especially with voice recognition software, which--as the name might imply?!!--doesn't require any interesting hardware. WTF, lady.

[Cookie]

The program is called Norma. It's one of a kind program and has been a work in progress for 40-ish years now. You cannot afford her, don't even ask.

We hate people for a reason, ya know. xo

ps... lick him for me.

[Sara]

jayzus.

"Gotta go to my next gig. LOVELY chatting with you."

[Beebs]

Sure, the software is called NJM, I have the patent on it and will provide it and the exclusive operator to you for a mere $817 per hour..... And hand her a card. I sometimes cannot believe that such idiots are roaming freely about the world.
(And intruding upon yours and mine) Your patience is remarkable.

[Marilla]

I will tell you what my son used to write all over his notebooks in high school, a motto that I think he might have picked up from me, I HATE HUMANS. I will edit that statement to I HATE STUPID HUMANS. I think you showed an extraordinary amount of patience. And thank goodness for Roger. He sounds like a prince.

[Lisa Claybaugh]

People are idiots. And completely unable to listen.

At least you are neither.

[Kris]

You could always start typing "wow, this woman is an idiot" and then say "wow, my voice recognition software is now reading my mind!" :)

[evalyn]

No, it's all people. Well, all the other people besides us. And Roger. Nice to have him at your back.

[Seanna Lea]

Damn! I would have wanted to slap her or kick her, but I'm in control of my emotions and so I just would have gotten angry and blogged about it....

But slapping would feel better.

[Julie]

OMG, Hunk Stewart? You will be in the same room with him? I'm feeling faint. Oh, and that goofball? I wonder just how much the emergency room would cost her after you popped her a good one.

[Emily Greene]

Did she say anything worthy of archiving? Now, Jon Stewart, that is a different matter. Have fun!

[elizabeth a airhart]

life is strange right now

[Lindy in Australia]

Yep, there are dickheads everywhere who think they know better.

[lisa]

That's when you use your equipment and your fancy voice recognition software to print out and broadcast what is being said inside that fancy software of yours for all to see... something like "why is she just not getting it that I AM THE TECHNOLOGY?"

[Starshadow Rivaulx]

Good heavens, you have the patience of a saint. And Roger is a prince among angels, for such a wonderful rescue.

[Sunnyknitter]

Please, may I have a Roger? (Not in the rude British sense, just to clarify.) I don't know where you got your patience to deal with that woman. I'm not sure I would have been able to behave as well as you did.

[Doris]

I have spent a week dealing with idiots while my husband and I helped our oldest to move to Northern Michigan for the last week....where are the people who are using the brains they were born with hiding?

[Joansie]

Let's hope you don't run into her again....geesh!!!

[yarnfarm]

maybe a maske would make her feel better?

[sandy]

People. You just can't kill them.