Stumbling Around

Lately I've had a hard time mustering up the emotional energy to write much in the blog. (I know! This is supposed to be my therapy, right? Sigh.)

In an effort to stimulate some creative juices, I've been arse over knickers using Stumble Upon, which -- no doubt about it -- can lead to some interesting and fun things.

Do you like art?  This is so cool.  (Don't get lost over there and forget to come back!)

The following recipe, found here, seems cloyingly, frighteningly pleasureful.  I'd substitute stabilized whipped cream for the Cool Whip, personally.  And I'm not too fond of German chocolate cake mix.  First, hello, it's a mix, and I'm kind of a snob about that.  And second and more importantly, it's not chocolaty enough for my taste.

I'm also wondering a bit about the syntax of that title.  Is it almost better than sex-cake?  or almost better-than-sex-cake?  or it's almost a cake that is better than sex?  or is it a cake that's almost better than sex?  or ..... and what the hell is sex cake?  Perhaps I'm over-analyzing things just a wee bit.  

Almost Better Than Sex Cake

16 servings

1 german chocolate cake mix
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk
caramel topping
12 ounces Cool Whip
3 heath bars, crushed

Heat oven to 350 F. Grease and flour 9 x 13 inch pan. Prepare cake mix as directed on package; pour into prepared pan. After 10 minutes of baking, sprinkle with chocolate chips. Continue baking until cake is done. While cake is still hot, poke holes in it with handle of wooden spoon. Pour sweetened condensed milk over cake; let cool. Top with caramel sauce, then whipped topping. Sprinkle with candy bars.

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Black Magic Cake, my and my family's favorite recipe for 40 years (!), taken from the back of a Hershey's cocoa can, IS better than sex.  No almosts about it.  That is some serious moist, dark, chocolate cake we're talkin' about.

I still have the original Hershey's can with the recipe I used as a kid.  It's probably still printed on those cans, but I wasn't taking any chances that they were going to discontinue it.  And of course now it's available on the internet. 

Don't like sex chocolate cake?  How about a nice heartwarming letter?

This one, for the chemists, made me laugh out loud:

Table of Condiments
That Periodically Go Bad

1 My Mayonnaise 3 months

2 S Salt N/A

3 H Hollandaise 1 day

4 B Butter 1.5 months

5 Mw Miracle Whip 3 months

6 Hu Hummus 1 week

7 Od Onion Dip 2 weeks

8 Tt Tartar Sauce 3 months

9 V Vinegar 3-5 years

10 M Mustard 6-8 months

11 K Ketsup 5 months

12 P Pepper 4 years

13 Be Bernaise 2 days

14 Ga Garlic Sauce 1 day

15 Cc Cream Cheese 2 weeks

16 Ti Tahini Sauce 1 month

17 Bl Bleu Cheese 2 months

18 R Ranch 2 months

19 Pb Peanut Butter 4 months

20 Lx Lox 2 weeks

21 Pi Pickles 6 months

22 Po Pearl Onion 8 months

23 Cr Croutons 2 months

24 Cs Cocktail Sauce 6-8 months

25 Fi Fish Sauce 5 months

26 Ym Yellow Mustard 6-8 months

27 Ci Chili Sauce 6-8 months

28 Sg Sugar 2 years

29 Gc Guacamole 2 days

30 Ws White Sauce 2 days

31 Sc Sour Cream 3 weeks

32 Th Special Sauce 2 months

32A Th 1,000 Island 2 months

33 Ma Marmalade 2 months

34 V Vegemite 2 months

35 Sy Syrup 8 months

36 Re Relish 6 months

37 Go Green Olive 9 months

38 Ln Lemon 2 months

39 Gs Green Salsa 2 months

40 Sw Sweet n Sour 4-5 months

41 Gm Germ. Mustard 6-8 months

42 Ss Steak Sauce 1 year

43 Nu Aspartame N/A

44 G Gravy 3 days

45 Ch Cheese Sauce 1 week

46 Wc Whipped Cream 2 weeks

47 Vg Vinaigrette 2 months

48 F French 2 months

49 J Jelly 4-5 months

50 Nt Nutella 4 months

51 Fu Fudge Sauce 6-8 months

52 Hr Horseradish 6-8 months

53 Jñ Jalapeño 6 months

54 Oo Olive Oil 6 months

55 Rs Red Sauce 2 months

56 Sf Stir-Fry Sauce 8 months

57 Dj Dijonnaise 6-8 months

58 Ts Taco Sauce 2 years

59 Xx Saccharin N/A

60 Au Au Jus 3 days

61 Cz Cheese Wiz N/A

62 Mg Margarine 6 months

63 Ch Chutney 5 months

64 Hm Honey Mustard 2 months

65 H Honey 8 months

66 Pe Peanut Sauce 8 months

67 Cp Choc. Syrup 6-8 months

68 Bo Baco Bits N/A

69 Pm Pimento 9 months

70 Ds Duck Sauce 4-5 months

71 Wu Worcestershire 1 year

72 So Soy Sauce 1 year

73 Bq BBQ Sauce 6-8 months

74 Ta Tabasco 2-5 years

75 X Maraschino N/A

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This invaluable scientific tool brought to you by F.N.O.R.D., with special thanks to that design genius, Ben Day.

Tired of sex, chocolate, and laughing about chemistry gone wrong?

You could go here and create your own snowflake. 

Comments

[Sarah]

For not feeling like you have much to share, you certainly added plenty to my day. I am now hungry and amused.

[Leslie]

Gad - my pantry and refrigerator are definitely in need of mucking out... Thanks(?) for the info ...

[sandy]

I do not agree that onion dip lasts 2 weeks. For one thing, it gets eaten right away because it is hardly around so it's more appreciated. Second, if it DOES survive the night, it is watery and icky the next day.
No. Onion dip will not last 2 weeks. Nope.
(I all of a sudden wish I had cake for breakfast!)
xo

[Nora]

LMAO at the letter!

I have had that cake. Way too sweet and disgusting. I would stick with yours.

[Michele]

yesterday a single snowflake landed on my jacket and I got to examine it for two minutes before it melted. sigh.

[chemist]

The Periodic Table made me smile. But couldn't they at least have kept the symbols that are actually used in their proper places?

[margene]

I think it's the winter blahhs. I'm so ready for some sun and a landscape color other than white.

[Mary K. in Rockport]

Thank you so much, Norma, for a few more timewasters in my bookmark file. No, really.

[naomi]

If nothing else, honey sure lasts longer than 8 months. Also, how does it ever "go bad"? Crystallizing? That's reversible...

On a brief glance, that Hershey's cake sounds similar to the Moist Chocolate Cake Supreme that's been my family's standard birthday cake for ~30 years. Mmm.

[Helen]

Those dust drawings are amazing.
ALMOST makes me want to try -- but then I keep clearing my rear windscreen so I can see, so I'll have to wait a bit to have a canvas.

[gayle]

My college-student daughter is a big fan of Stumble-upon. I've resisted it only because I can't shoehorn in yet another time-suck.
I think I need to go make cake. Testing is called for. If you don't hear from me for a few days, send more cake...

[BunnyQueen]

For what it's worth, my wife and I determined that better-than-sex-cake (same recipe, different title) isn't, but it sure makes good fuel for a honeymoon. 'Nuff said. ;)

[Bridget]

I've made the cake before and it is good (but I like your idea of the real cream). I used Heath bar bits instead of chocolate chips - gives it a nice crunch!

[KittyMommy]

O.M.G. The letter from Edna Johnson to the high school had me almost rolling on the floor. Priceless! Are you two related, by any chance?? ;o)

[Bridget]

Nevermind. I just read it properly and saw the bit about the Heath bars....

[Lee Ann]

I read that as Almost Better And Sex Cake.

I am nothing if not indecisive.

[Sunnyknitter]

You just amused me for the better part of an hour. I shall now use my powers of evil to subvert others from their work for the same! Long live the time suck (and you, Norma, of course)!

[Kristen]

Where on earth are those people living that they get that much dust?!

I've had the sex cake. As much as I like chocolate, I vote for sex.

[Kristen]

Let me restate that. I vote for high quality sex over low quality cake ingredients. Yup, I am a snob!

[Renee]

A condiments table?? lol
Cake or sex? well, let's see... cake adds calories and sex burns them... I vote for sex.

[Cookie]

What kind of sex? Quality does vary, ya know.

(Yes, I really just went there. I'll be in he naughty corner if you need me. xo)

[dana]

i don't see the point in an almost better than sex cake.
i make a cake that my co-workers have named chocolate sex on a plate. no pre-packaged mixes involved. real heavy whipping cream and raspberries. and lots of chocolate.

[JulieK(neeB)]

That table is very wrong. Vegemite lasts *years*, not months!

[Joansie]

Gads!!! It's almost 8:00 p.m, I'm dog-tired and I don't have a dog, and am hungry for that cake.

The art was awesome. Thanks for the link.

[lisa]

My latest favorite chocolate cake is the flourless choc cake at Chris's blog, stumbling over chaos. Everybody asks for the recipe when I bring it places. Though I just made a similar cake with kahlua drizzled over it...yum yum yum!!!!

[Aarlene]

ABTS cake sounds like too much trouble to me. Your microwave chocolate cake with some ice cold milk is very damn good. I've got some Hershey's Special Dark cocoa I'm going to try in that recipe right now.

[Elizabeth]

Fun!
But what were you doing over at the Chocolate of the Month Club anyway, hmm?