364. Sorry, Wrong Number!

So here we are at the penultimate post for Blog 365.  It seems like it should be something profound, eh?  All I've got for you, though, is a series of kvetches.

I'm back home with another week off.  I'm wishing the arms would be pain-free so I could knit, and they are finally making progress, but they're not there yet.  The herbal supplement seems to be working, but it's a subtle improvement, not a magic bullet kind of one.  I saw the chiropractor last night who gave me electric stim, some special stretches to do, and an admonition NOT TO KNIT (bastard).  Apparently I was so mad at him for saying that (or my arms were still twitching so profoundly from the electric stim, and in addition my brain was turned off), that I was later weaving across the center line in my car.  Or so said the police officer who pulled me over. 

TRUE.  But apparently I was so cute and charming myself, that once he smelled my breath and found I was not drinking, he let me on my way. But not before he noticed that my inspection sticker was about to expire in two days.  My gawwwwd!!!  Could anything more go wrong with my day?  At least he did not make me get out of my vehicle on the pothole-filled road to do those manual dexterity tests that I have always heard about -- the ones about which I, a person who practices yoga and who is in pretty damn good shape, have always said, "Who could do that?!"  Seriously, who could stand on the side of the uneven road, in the dark, with a police officer's flashlight in the face, with cars going by and the wind blowing, and hold up his right leg 12 inches off the ground while touching his nose and looking backwards, without swaying?  Honestly?  Who!  Raise your hand if you can even do this on the flat floor of the yoga studio!  Come on.  Raise your hand. 

Who has seen the Reno 911! episode about manual dexterity tests where the woman police officer starts giving jazz dance commands because the big ole fat drunk guy passes all the rest of the dexterity tests, and guy gets them ALL PERFECT?  Oh, I love that show.

Wait, I have more kvetching to do. 

I have another massage scheduled for Wednesday (rescheduled from Saturday because of my spontaneous trip to NYC).  If I'm lucky, I should be ready to knit just in time to go back to work next week.  Sigh.  

I seem to have gotten rid of the woman with creditors calling my BlackBerry number, but now I'm getting wrong numbers with a freakish frequency.  WTF! 

There were three yesterday while I was traveling home from New York City.  Is that even possible?  And they're always these chipper, "Hi, Diane!" or "Hi, Stevie!"  "Hi, Julie!" thrilled-to-hear-your-voice kind of phone calls.  And I go, "WHO?!"  and they say, "This is GAIL!" or something equally thrilling and chipper.  And I go, "Who are you trying to reach?!"  And they go, "Oh, sorry.  Wrong number." 

Bleeding hell.  WHAT is that? Who ARE these people who are supposedly dialing the wrong number and getting my BlackBerry? Why is my number apparently so eminently mis-dialable?!  I believe they are some sort of sales calls, but I don't really know.  They make it sound like they're my long-lost sister.  It's a good thing I am so friendly and good-natured and love people so much, is all I'm saying. In case that was ambiguous, it was intended as sarcasm.  Pfft.

I went out for Chinese food with a couple of colleagues the other day, and this was in my fortune cookie:

Riiiiiiight. Please define good luck, Mr. Fortune. 

It ripped when I was putting it in the scanner.  I figure that's meaningful in some way. And it can't be good.

Comments

[Kristen]

Obviously you need to go back to the Museum of Sex and make a gift-shop purchase. Or at least line up another massage. ;)

[Dave Daniels]

Congratulations on making it to 365! Are you rally going to take a year off from blogging now? Rumor? Who started that rumor? Wasn't me. I had nothing to do with that. And, are you really moving to New York to go back into whatever it was you did in England all those years ago? And what about all those other rumors???? Huh?

[gayle]

Well, at least the inspection sticker hadn't expired a month ago... There's always a bright side. (No, wait, don't throw that! (Unless it's yarn))
I once owned a business where I seriously considered just using an answering machine to screen the calls - "Hello. You have NOT reached the state police barracks, or the ---- Fire Department, or the ----- Savings Bank, and no one named Jennifer lives here. If you actually want to talk to ME, please leave a message."
*sigh*

[Nora]

Funny, those people have been calling me, too. I've had dunning at least 6 dunning calls from a bank for someone named Sylvia, and the cable company started in the other day.

I figure it gives me a chance to practice my haughty voice.

[marianne]

Catching up on several past posts, hilarious, and what good times you've been having! well... except for your not being able to knit (that RAT bastard). Heh, that David.

[margene]

Oh yes, things could get so much worse. If I had your life I'd burn mine. Oh wait, that isn't how it goes..anyway.

[Renee]

Do you have any of your ginger vodka left?

[Roxie]

I want to hear more about your personal affairs.

[michaele]

My last fortune cookie told me that my health is my form of wealth. Apparently, somebody at the Chinese restaurant thought I just needed a good laugh.

[Felicia]

Fess up Norma! What are you (and the blog) going to be doing the day after tomorrow?

[Shanti]

Some of those manual dexterity tests confuse me, but I can usually do them. It's things like reciting the alphabet backwards that I can't do sober, much less drunk. (Or maybe I'd be able to do it then? Will have to give that a try...) And I fail the "follow my finger with your eyes, but don't move your head" test because my eyes don't track together. So that test is out, too.

[sandy]

Geez Louise, you didn't break a mirror recently, did you? Walk under a ladder? Black cat? Spill salt??? :)
Andy (True story) waits a MONTH more every single year to get the inspection done. Now? He's gotten a full year free.
We are in the money.
:\

[Helen]

I'm risking a resurgence by even typing this ...
but I think we've finally stopped receiving all the mis-dials for the local newspaper. I'm pretty sure that in some directory somewhere, the number was mis-printed, and our number appeared where theirs should have been.
Meanwhile, that one-legged stuff? I know I should be better at it... but you should see the shaky line my wii fit shows me every time I try to do one. At least I have specific number goals to work at, so I can "see" improvement. At least that's what I'm telling myself. We have to wait for improvement to happen.

[Seanna Lea]

I don't use my phone as often as I should (as in don't check my vmail even when I have a lot of them). I had my hubby go through my vmail over the weekend and of the 14 phone messages 10 of them were wrong numbers, sales pitches or other calls I do not want to answer. I would sincerely like the wrong numbers to stop too.

[Cheryl S.]

I definitely don't think I could pass those stupid dexterity tests. Nor can I recite the alphabet backwards, even when totally sober.

Do you think you could learn to knit with your toes?

[kmkat]

I know I would fail the raise-your-right-leg test; it would mean standing on the ankle that was broken. My goal, per my physical therapist, is to be able to balance on it for 20 seconds. D'you think the officer would believe my story? Maybe I need to carry a note from the PT...

I would like to request that your life continue to give you shit. It's so damned entertaining for the rest of us ::ducks and runs::

[LauraG]

Luv ur kvetching! I get more wrong number calls than right ones. Sad.

p.s. today is the 365th day of the year. ;-)

[claudia]

Expound on the benefits of massage (besides the obvious).

[Elizabeth]

Uh, that was me in the back raising my hand.
(sorry)

(I'm Canadian so I'm always apologising for doing nothing wrong)
(Sorry again, too many brackets)

[Cookie]

Suddenly, I want to call you.

A lot.

[Barbara M.]

I got several text messages from a stranger recalling (rather graphically!) the hot time he had in Aruba with some girl who gave him a wrong number.... mine! I'm assuming she enjoyed his "attentions" while away from home, but preferred not to continue getting them back at home, and made up a phone number. Luckily, my husband of 40 years knows that the only time I was in Aruba was long ago, and with him!

[isela]

Just wanted to drop by and wish you a Happy New Year! Lots of hugs.

[Birdsong]

I hope the new year brings an end to the arm troubles! My massage friend who is trying to help the Wooly Daisy with her sciatica said that nerves don't heal as fast as muscles, so I hope the supplement is designed to help with that part too. Glad you made it safely home; I love Reno 9-1-1, partly because Reno is close enough to recognize the backdrops and partly cuz they are so darn goofy! Happy New Year!!

[Debbie]

Well at least the inspection sticker was still valid...my luck it would be 2 days late! I have problems following the instructions at my eye doctors, I can't imagine dealing with the police in aforementioned conditions. My boyfriend has taken two days off in the last 6 months and both days he woke up extremely ill, imagine that, he was sick for Christmas eve and I didn't help, what with all my giggling! Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year!

[Susan]

Happy New Year! The woman who owns my local liquor store looked at me like I was nuts when I asked if she had any ginger vodka. It's not easy to find here on Staten Island either. The sex musuem, however, is just a bus ride away. :)