331. Happy Thanksgiving!

Greetings!  You may refer to me as His Royal Highness Prince King Mischief Mr. Jefferies. I am holding your blog mistress hostage.  Send treats, cuddles and toys.  She will be released with only minor injuries. 

A few notes from my journal:

1.  She thinks she's a dog whisperer.  Pshaw.  I already knew this shit.
2.  I can pee on the paper any time I want to. 
3.  I can poop on the paper when I damn well want to, too.
4.  I know what "toy" means, and I can go get her one.  What, does she think I'm stupid? She never taught me that.  Don't let her tell you she did.
5.  I know how to drop it.  If I want to.
6.  I know how to make her do gymnastics, too:  Easy. Just chew on her yarn.

(Hey, look what she did. Looks good to chew on.)

7.  I can make her REALLY JUMP:  I just have to LOOK like I'm going to chew on her computer cord.
8.  I can make her say, "Good Boy," 24,599 times in 24 hours.
9.  She says "no" a lot too.
10.  WHAT is she going on about "sit" all the time?  I know how! I tell you, I am thoroughly disgusted with this American education -- always dumbing down, soooo repetitive.  I am not one of those LOLcats. Take a look at this post -- I mean really.  Do I spell things like "Hai!  Ime in ur kempewtr" like those unfortunate felines?  No.  Perfect spelling, perfect construction, perfect grammar.  Stop with the "sit, sit, sit, no, no, no; good boy, you peed on the paper" crap.  It's juvenile and insulting.  I get it already!

Where the hell do I sign up for the accelerated classes?

11.  She is powerless under my spell.  I only have to look at her with my sweet little doe-eyed look.  Well, buck eyes I guess would be more appropriate.
12.  She is no match for my doggedness.  (Get it?  Doggedness?! Oh, I crack myself up.)  No match whatsoever. I heard her say, "I'm going back to bed.  When he calms down, I'll let him of the crate and reward him."  I did not even calm down for an hour and a half.  I won. You know, I lost a little bit of respect for her in that moment.  The woman is weak.  BUT I do not remember signing any informed consent about a crate. That was not in the contract.
13.  You know what? Crying for an hour and a half is exhausting.  She FINALLY let me out of that stupid crate so I could get some sleep, for crying out loud.  (Heh. I made a pun.)
14.  She must be old.  She's always saying she's exhausted.
15.  Well, my literate friends, I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.  I'll be busy today, charming a whole new bunch of people.  See you!

Comments

[silvia]

Tell Norma happy Thanksgiving little puppy dog!

[marianne]

Oh Mr. Jeffries, I'm well aware you're just packed with charm but I caution you, 'hubris', look it up little dude because I'm telling you, she can and will take you down if it comes to that.... the woman runs with wolves don't cha know? uh huh...
Happy Thanksgiving!

[sandy]

A small dog with big attitude, that is Mr. Jeffy for ya.
xo
and some puppy smooches too.

[elizabeth a airhart]

this is roast and cut day i would stay quiet
and behave when they are in the kitchen
they used to run me out into the freezeing
cold and all the snow and ice
watch out during the ball games you are not a foot ball
no matter what they say -just bat your eyes and coo
if they come near you with sweet words do not trust
them they are going out and not with you and wooden
table legs are are great to chew on and boxes of tissues
to empty and decorate the house for the holidays happy day

[greta]

Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. J...snuggle with her for us, wouldja?
xoxox

[Tammy]

Here's hoping you are well-rested Mr. Jeffries for the big day today! The opportunities for charming new people for the "goodies" will be fast and furious I imagine! Treat the human right, many of us out here in blogland enjoy checking in on her daily posting and she's on our gratitude list for giving us a daily chuckle. If you have too much turkey, avoid operating heavy machinery - that drowsy thing and all. T

[gayle]

Happy Thanksgiving, Mr Jeffries!
Tell them you've called dibs on a drumstick!
And give Grandma a smooch from all of us!

[Vicki]

Yeah. You dogs know a loophole when you see one. We never had our dog sign the crate contract, either. ; )

Poor Maddy, she tried... sorta. For the week and a half that Mickey actually slept in the crate, Maddy would pull the crate up onto her bed (a twin bed)!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
XO

[Ann]

Happy Thanksgiving, Norma. Cute grandpuppy. I like the idea of a grandpuppy better than I do a granddaughter. Cheaper, no diapers...

[Elizabeth L in Apex, NC]

Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Jeffries! Please tell Norma how much I appreciate her sharing her knitting adventures and all of the important things in life - like you - with all of us in the blogosphere. Be sweet to her today!

[AmyP]

Dear Mr Jeffries - Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

[--Chappy]

People training can be SO much work, but it sounds like you're doing a great job! I hope you get some turkey. I LOVE turkey....

[Teyani]

Have a joyous thanksgiving Mr Jeffries - and be sure to give that human you care for a snuggle too.

[Leslie]

Dear Mr. Jefferies:

I would suggest you be very careful or "she" will talk Abigail into letting you stay in Vermont. Do you really want to live with Norma?? Think carefully about continuing to be cuteness regnant.

[Sunnyknitter]

Happy Thanksgiving to all and pats to HRH Jeffries! (Fabulous spelling and punctuation noted.)

[Cheryl S.]

I am SO not envious of trying to train a puppy.
But he definitely is adorable.

[Kay]

Is it wrong that this is my favorite post ever and it was written by a guest blogger?

Chanting MIS-TER JEFF-RIES! MIS-TER JEFF-RIES!
until you are exhausted and give us an encore.

[Sarah]

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Cookie]

Be careful, little man. Remember she doesn't stand for any nonsense.

[Cathy-Cate]

Mr. Jeffries, enjoy the turkey, but remember, cute will only get you so far. Ask my daughter. You have been warned....

(On the other hand, cute will get you a long ways with grandparents, even grandparents of grandpuppies.)

[kmkat]

Stay out of the kitchen, Mr. J. She has an oven and a knife and is not afraid to use them.

[Laurie]

So very very funny! Especially his comparison to the cats.

[claudia]

A very small package of pure evil.