31. You Gotta Work on that Pickup Line, Bub

A public service announcement:  Sandy's blog is broken! She has set up a new place (possibly temporary, possibly not) where she can blog here.  Be sure to update your feeds, k?  (she's back!)

---------------------

They just razed the old McDonalds in South Burlington, and put up a new one in its place. One day last week I was alone over the lunch hour and needed to check my email. Until that point, I didn't have access to the university wireless internet system. I finally have it now. Yay!

For over a year, when I was killing time between classes, I couldn't do anything with the internet unless I got in my car, drove off campus, and found a wireless signal that I could pick up.  When it was cold, I'd have to leave the car idling with the heater on so I didn't freeze.  I don't need to tell you this bothers the environmentalist in me, do I?  Anyway, I saw a big sign in the new Micky-D's that said "Free WiFi" so I veered on in there so I could go in where it was warm. The small print, though, is "free with any purchase."  If you ask for it when you buy something, they give you a coupon for access to their system for an hour.  Pretty nifty, actually. Of course that gave me the perfect opportunity to get some french fries, but I digress. 

Hey, I'm wicked impressed with the new place! No more retina-scorching red-and-yellow plastic. They've taken the "kid" out of McDonalds, and as a kid-hater from way back, you know how that suits me! It's all euro-modern; almost looks like a Starbucks. Being brand new, it's still clean. It's got nice tables, nice benches, a seating area with couches and a coffee table, and a big-screen TV, and here's a rub I have with places that offer WiFi -- they don't often have outlets to plug your computer in.  I think they want you to use your battery, so your time using up their space and their WiFi signal is limited to your battery life.  But the new McD's has outlets at every booth.  Pretty awesome.  I predict it's going to change the average demographic of their clientele, at least for a while. Let the kids and families go somewhere ELSE.  *evil cackle*  Then again, I guess kids are so wired now from birth that WiFi and big-screen TVs are much more attractive to them than play-places.  Who wants to get one's ass up off the couch to move around and play? Grumble. Damn. So much for my idea of a nice place with free WiFi without kids.  I suppose it's back to Starbucks for me, but their WiFi is not free.  Bastards. OK, then, the Staples parking lot.  But no, there's no need!  Now I have university access!  Next round of beers is on me!

So anyway, I'm sitting there all wired up, minding my own business, taking care of my email, and sending Sandy a text message in response to the one she had just sent me saying something along the lines of "Hallelujah! I've got hot water!"  (The poor woman had been several days without a hot water heater at that point.)  A businessman-looking guy comes over, sits down next to me, and says, "Are you sending a text message?" 

"Good grief," I thought.  "Now what?"  I wondered what rule I had broken for sending a text message.  I mean, really, they said free WiFi, not free text messaging, so maybe I was crossing some line?!  So I tell him yes, I'm sending a text message. I'm still wondering why he's asking, but I go back to doing what I'm doing.  He continues to engage me in conversation.  He tells me this is all new to him.  Wonders what would be the advantage of text messaging versus just calling the person, or sending an email; how does it "improve my business?"  Etc. Etc. Etc.

Then it dawned on me:  He's trying to get friendly. I turn my attention back to what I'm doing. He continues to ask me details about the text messaging and about my phone. He says that though these may seem like very basic questions, all this technology is totally NEW to him and he wants to learn more about it. Then he turns his head. 

He has apparently forgotten that he has a Bluetooth cell phone device hanging on his ear. 

All new on the technology, eh, buddy?

Comments

[Kristen]

As much as I hate to defend the man who was blinded by your hotness--I never sent a text message until I moved to Russia where everyone does that instead of call because it's significantly cheaper, so it's possible he didn't know about text messaging. I hate those damn bluetooth things. I can understand their usefulness when driving, but otherwise. Bargh! Then again, I'm allergic to the phone.

[kmkat]

I think he saw you workign out at the gym and has been stalking you for weeks. It has taken him that long to work up his courage to approach you. Maybe he picked up on your crankiness vibes? Anyway, I salute you. It's been more years than I can count since I had a similar encounter :)

[kt]

Show-off.

And I was just dropping by to tell you to keep tallying up yer votes, 'cause I just dinged you with the "Make My Day" thingummy.

Just wanted to annoy you!

[sandy]

You weren't wearing your SLUT tshirt, were you? heh.
Men are hounds. Pure and simple. (Sorry, men, you may be the exception)
My blog is FIXED. FIXED I TELL YA!
kisses to your hot self

[Dave Daniels]

Heh, yup, that's our Sandy.
Now, if *I* were to chat you up about a texting phone, it would be genuine because I have NO clue about it, never even held a blackberry or whatever it is that's used. I have internet, that's enough.

[Carol]

All I know about text messaging is this: If you have 2 teens who have cell phones and you're not on a text messaging plan, you'll get hammered with a 417 f*cking dollar cell phone bill.

[lisa]

Did you want to waste a french fry (dripping in ketchup) to flick it at his ear and say, yeah bud, what's this? Now GO AWAY. Before I ram something harder someplace else. Being a total creep, though, that may turn him on versus off.

[Rabbitch]

Face it, you are hot. In fact you likely own the hotness that should be mine and which I thought I had until I saw a picture of myself two weeks ago (I have no hotness left, you'll just have to learn to deal with it -- I have.)

As for him, he's a dork. A dork with enough money for a stupid earpiece thingie, but a dork nonetheless. You should have shoved a french fry covered in ketchup up his nose (a la Fish Called Wanda).

[Carole]

Of course he was hitting on you, Norma. You are HOT.

[margene]

Why wouldn't he hit on sweet, cute, darling little Norma? And Sandy, that's her SL,UT T-shirt. You must have the comma!

[ann]

LOL!!! You had on those fucking hot jeans on again, didn't you?! Don't you know that Vermont men are not ready for such things! You are such a magnet.I hate the whole bluetooth in the ear thing! I crack up every time I see some one walking around talking out loud to "themselves". And then I see it. Kills me. MMMMM french fries. Maybe I will see you there.

[marianne]

Heh... you were surprised? Heheheheh..... yeah, those innocent looks can be so deceiving for those poor chumps.... er... did you have your hot mama jeans on? :^)

[Kay]

I find this story extremely frightening. Hope you are carrying your pepper spray. Scary Bluetooth guy!

A downside to the hot mama jeans. I think you can live with it.

[Kay]

Golly gee, purty lady,
Are ye sending one of them newfangled text massages?

OK I'll go away now. He's scary and LAME.

[Kay]

Golly gee, purty lady,
Are ye sending one of them newfangled text massages?

OK I'll go away now. He's scary and LAME.

[Marcia Cooke]

Can't comment....laughing too hard!

[Sara]

*lmao* That has to take the cake... not only was it a bad pick-up line, but the dude goes to McDonald's to pick up chicks??

[Roxie]

So tell him you are texting your darling husband to tell him that you're pregnant again. Ask him how many children he has. Tell him about all of yours (make some up.) He will pull away so fast he will leave skid marks. If you are going to wear those hot-mama jeans, you need to develop some self-defense tactics.

[--Deb]

Oh, that's funny! Did you, um, enlighten him?? (grin) It sounds like he SO needed helpful information that only you could give him!

[Elisabeth]

LMAO!!! So, did you call him out on the earpiece?

The McD's is probably trying to get the college kids to go there and hang out and do their homework (and eat their food).

[Annie]

I still can't get past that there is a McDonald's in Vermont. When we were there I never saw one (and believe me, with small kids, I was looking!). :)

[Sunnyknitter]

My first thought too was were you wearing the shirt and hot jeans! Too funny. I would have totally acted stupid about the bluetooth in his ear and asked what it was just to see his answer! Ah, well, nice compliment anyway, right?

[anne]

obviously that guy is a rube in the pickup business more than anything else!

[Felicia]

So the new McD's is not only the newest spot for free WiFi, but also the newest pick-up place?

[Linda B.]

Ah, courting in the new millennium! I don't know if his line was any better than "Do you come here often". I always wondered if that was a double entendre.

[Linda B.]

Ah, courting in the new millennium! I don't know if his line was any better than "Do you come here often". I always wondered if that was a double entendre.

[Dusa]

Oh dear baby Jesus -
Was he wearing a grey tweed coat and had overly dyed black hair? Cause it sounds JUST LIKE an ex-manager of mine, complete with Bluetooth.

[Erika]

Is "I'm too stupid to figure out how to use my own cell phone" really an effective pick-up line?

Maybe it's just because I've made a living rescuing people from Big Scary Technology for the last 10 years. It's like trying to pick up a dentist by telling her how you never floss and barely brush. Dude, go AWAY.

[Heather]

Awww, little Norma is getting hit on in the McD's. I guess the atmosphere really has changed in there! Did you call him on it? please tell me you called him on it!

[Abigail]

Hey, didn't that old McDonald's have a farm?

[Beth S.]

You just made my day in about seventeen different ways! :-)

[Cookie]

I love that Kay!

HAWT! That's our Norma. Were you wearing the jeans and boots? Cause straight men are helpless against that kind of sex appeal, ya know. Sweet simple souls, men.

[Cathy]

Oy. What an asshat. Clearly he did not stop to consider what would happen if you responded favorably to his advances. What's he going to do - pretend to be a Luddite everytime you're supposed to come over to his house? :D

[Seanna Lea]

Wow. I can understand how someone would want to engage in a conversation and pick up a nice looking lady (or woman!), but it shouldn't take more than 2 active brain cells to find a topic that doesn't make you sound like a moron or can't be immediately pinged as a falsehood.

The cleanest thing I could call him would be fuzzbutt, then my cat would come by looking for a handout.

[stephie]

Thanks, this story made my day.

[charli]

LOL! What a great story! Perhaps I should hang out at Micky D's?

[Sil]

Dude! What a lame line of chat he has! Poor guy, though he's probably married and out of practice...

[Imbrium]

Yes, yes, weird dude...but did I just hear dandelion-eating Norma singing the praises of McDonalds? I think my world just broke.

[Ina]

Lol! How coy. Next time I'm shopping for a new, slim laptop, I MUST remember to check if it makes my ass look big.

[Dee fm KS]

I lived in Burlington for several years. Moved in 2002 and I do definitely remember that McDonald's. Thank goodness they did change it. It was in sore need of remodeling or rebuilding. It's neat to read your blog. Not only the knitting stuff, but the Vermont stuff, too. Have a good weekend.