23. My Most Articulatest Moment

   
ARE WE THERE YET?  (nope)

A funny thing happened on the way to the coliseum Adirondacks High Peaks Welcome Center, and aren't I just the lucky blogger?  We love little odd things to happen -- we LIVE for them, don't we?  And of course I just have to tell you about it. 

I have every right to humiliate myself at every given opportunity, and I often take advantage of that right.  More about that later.

I wasn't the only one in the car with a teeny bladder.  That's all I'm gonna say about that.  So first we stopped in Beekmantown.   (ick, ick, don't want to touch anything, smells awful, etc., etc.) 

Next stop, Lewis. I didn't go inside; it looks the same as Beekmantown. But wait.  What have we here?!

Am I being scooped?!  Channel 5 news team on the scene, interviewing truckers about what?  Pee places? 

Totally bogus, man!  This is MY gig! 

I boldly take photos of the news crew, then I go about my business, photographing the neckwarmer that later died.  Remember?

Then I hear, "Ma'am!"  and turn around.  That cute little thing in the photo, with the legs up to there and the long hair, was running up to me.  She didn't even bat an eyelash at the fact that I was photographing my knitting in the snow.  She might have backed.away.from.the.weirdo, but instead she said, "Before you go, can I snag you for a minute?" 

"Um...."

"We're doing a story on the cell phone coverage, or lack of it, on this route."

"Oh, it's CRAP!" I so eloquently say.

"If you could even say that on camera, it would be great!  And can I get the others with you, too?  I won't hold you up for long." 

Oy.  Poor Abigail, who was already in the car, later said she couldn't figure out what was happening.  She thought that the reason the young woman came rushing up to me was that she recognized me. (as in "Mom, you're so famous," blah blah) (pardon me while I stifle a guffaw)

So I said sure, and she followed me over to the car.  Then she interviewed each of us without us knowing the camera was on.  We thought it was sort of a dry run, she'd see if we had anything worth recording, and then we'd do the real thing. 

She asked me, "So what is your opinion about the lack of cell phone coverage here?"  In my shining moment of absolute articulate BRILLIANCE, I answered something like,  "Well.....(dramatically) my cell phone is searching for a signal right now.  It's a perennial problem.  It's....(searching for a word)... nonexistent."  (W.T. Fuck?) 

Well, thank dog I did not say CRAP on camera.  But honestly!  I should not be allowed out in public.  I can hear the viewers at home saying, "She didn't even answer the QUESTION!"  My brain had clearly been left at the rest stop in Beekmantown.

The other two members of my family showed more than a modicum of intelligence, and their answers were so impressively articulate that I wanted to crawl into a hole in the snow and just lie there in the fetal position until the snow crews uncovered me in the spring.  We weren't home in time for the 6:00 news, but on the 11:00 they played a piece of David's answer, and he looked good, though squinting in the sun's glare a bit.  They had his mouth moving, but had his words completely unsynched. Looked a bit like a cartoon character, or a Japanese dubbed movie.  "David Miller, Motorist."   Then on Monday morning he arrived at the gym and a guy in the locker room said, "Hey, I just saw a guy on TV that looked JUST LIKE YOU!"  He goes upstairs to find a couple people he knows say they had just seen it, and clips of Abigail's, too, and someone said it was also played on Sunday.  Thankfully the viewing public was spared from me. 

It would have been so much better if she'd asked me the question, "What are you doing here?"  and I could have answered, "Taking photos of pee places."  At least I wouldn't have sounded QUITE so stupid, and perhaps I would have been labeled, "Norma Miller, Rest Area Chronicler."

Tomorrow is the real deal:  High Pees.  I mean Peaks.

P.S.  On the drive home, I noticed giant signs when entering the Adirondack Park.  They say something to the effect of, "Cell Phone Service Extremely Limited or Nonexistent for Next 120 Miles"  (I can't remember the exact number of miles, but it's quite substantial)  and that is what the news piece was mainly about -- that those signs were put up that day.  All this arises out of a horrific fatal accident that happened last year and the fact that there is no cell phone service there and the rising level of public ire about it.  We used to worry about this endlessly when Abigail was traversing that route all by herself for four years.  For example, it doesn't do much good to have AAA if there is no way to call them.  So about the signs:  Nice touch, New York.  What are you supposed to do?  Decide to turn back? 

And P.P.S.  Have you ever had a conversation with a know-it-all?  Yeah, me too.  One time a few years ago, some guy in a deposition was insisting to me that on I-87 there was cell service all the way down.  I argued with him and said no way!  It's scary and unsafe and annoying!  He inSISTED that there are "repeaters running all the way down the Interstate, and if you just stay on the interstate, you'll have cell service.  I do." (he told me)

Well, I've talked to a good number of folks about this since that time, and nobody has any idea what a "repeater" is.  Pfffft.  Well, regardless, if he thought he knew it all, he was kidding himself, because there is ZERO cell phone service on that route.  So much for know-it-alls. 

Comments

[Mel]

Funny how we now consider the cell phone to be such an essential for survival. We did, after all, manage to survive a couple hundred thousand years as a species without them.

[Wanda]

In terms of DSL service, a "repeater" is a box or piece of equipment that essentially "repeats" the digital signal, so that those customers who don't live close to the central office or wherever the signal is located, still receive a high quality of digital signal when accessing the internet. Not sure if it works the same for cell service.

So can you tell in a former life I worked in telecom. One of the few times that additional knowledge is semi-useful. ;-)

[Anne]

Have I ever had a conversation with a know-it-all? I *am* a know-it-all. And I used to carpool with my know-it-all then-boss. That was a bad scene. As I tell people, "If there's one thing a know-it-all doesn't like, it's another know-it-all."

[Anne]

Have I ever had a conversation with a know-it-all? I *am* a know-it-all. And I used to carpool with my know-it-all then-boss. That was a bad scene. As I tell people, "If there's one thing a know-it-all doesn't like, it's another know-it-all."

[Debi]

Repeaters are probably something he thinks about when he's wearing his tinfoil hat "for protection" :)

[nat]

I likes me a girl who knows how to guffaw. Non and semi verbal communication skills are way underrated in our society

[Carol]

Yeah! I know! ;-)

[LauraJ]

The only othe time I have heard of a cell phone repeater was from my unfortunate ex, whose house is cell-phone proof. A 'repeater' in the living room would apparently help.

[Kim]

I know your post was really about the absence of cell phone signals but I can really relate to your tv interview experience. We were at the WTC the day they opened viewing platforms. My 11 yo was more articulate than I was. She made the national news! I sounded like an idiot. Makes me glad that she's the next generation in our family - there's hope.

[Beth]

Thanks for the laugh! I had to stifle it because I'm at work and really shouldn't even be reading this! Maybe that will wake me up. I'm coffee-less thanks to acid reflux and it's all I can do not to fall asleep on my keyboard today.........zzzzzzzzzz

[LauraG]

At least you weren't offended by the 'cute little thing' calling you Ma'am. :-)

[marianne]

Heheheheheh.... O' Norma!
What?!?!? No link to any of that footage?
I dunno... at that point perhaps a belting out of 'it's just a buncha crap' by an old cranky ass.... although you WERE looking GOOD so make that 'old cranky ass babe'.....

[Patty]

I'm headed to NEK this weekend - so I can guarantee no "help" calls from home right? ;-)

[Wendy]

I know several professional know-it-alls. You know, sometimes it's fun to bait them. Great sport.

[Roxie]

You were loooking so good the cameraman probably said, "Hey, let's see if we can get a bite from that babe!"

[Kelly]

Where I live (Pocono Mts) there's "service if you're lucky" or none. There's a long stretch of highway between the two closest towns where there's zero service, and if you take the back roads you're in and out. We don't have cell phones because there's just no point.

[CindyCindy]

I love it when you are self-righteously indignant:)

[Catherine]

Being the no-it-all that I am, I can tell you that a cell phone repeater picks up a signal, and then re-broadcasts it, making it stronger than it was before. They do exist and can even be bought by consumers who want better service in their house, etc. They are talking about putting this technology in the NYC subway tunnels (which is think is a terrible idea, but whatever). I've never heard of anyone lining the interstates with them though.

[Amanda]

I love the word Articulatest! I'm adding that to my vocabularator.

[Rachel H]

In my current life that I sometimes wish were a former life, I work in telecomm. Repeaters are real, they do exist, and are used on landline networks all over North America to extend the range of a Central Office (eyes glazed over yet?)

BUT, dude was still talking out of his ass in this context, coz repeaters only amplify a signal through a network. You need additional cell towers or antennae to get the signal TO the network first.

[Carrie]

I had a similar tv experience. I wanted so badly to be on this show, and I finally got on, and I sat hunched over and wouldn't talk. Of course, I was 8 and Wallace and Ladmo were seriously creepy up close and personal like.

[Sara]

We don't have cell phone service in much of the state... and the authorities wonder why people get so easily lost and stuff up in the County (Aroostook county to all non-Mainers). It's actually one of the reasons I haven't yet bothered to get a cell... it would die long before I got anywhere!

[Dave]

A phone that words without wires? What next, a transponder beam?

[Debbie]

I lived in upstate NY all of my life (Catskill region) until 18mos. ago when I moved to the midwest. I was most surprised by how many people here have cell phones and that they actually work outside of a major city!

[Tish]

My truck has satellite phone service thru On-* which is supposed to work everywhere (even in tunnels thru the high mtn passes!) but I'm too cheap to subscribe. Hopefully they'll still answer if I push the red emergency button should I happen to slide off one of those passes. And if you ever find yourself travelling I-25 south between Denver and Colorado Springs, do not EVER stop at the rest area near Larkspur. You're better off peeing in a snowbank on the side of the road. Trust me- you can't carry enough Lysol wipes to make a difference.

[--Deb]

Oh, I don't know, coming up with "perennial" and "nonexistant" sounds pretty erudite to me.... But yes, wouldn't it have been priceless if she'd asked you why you were there! THAT answer would have made the news (grin).

[netter]

Remember back when they used to have the solar powered emergency phones on I-87? I do. I'm so happy we have onstar in our vehicles. My parents live up in your neck of the woods and we travel all the way up I-87. Of course, my cell provider doesn't kick back on when we get out of the Adirondacks. Stupid T-mobile.

[Anne]

Yeah. Well. Remember when I flipped and totalled my Jeep several Januarys ago just outside St. J's? I was REALLY glad I was in the 100 feet of cellphone coverage that day, let me tell ya. It pretty much sucks statewide.

[Sil]

People usually hang out in rest stops on the highway for other reasons than urination. At least that's the word here in not so sunny Cali...I like to find the nearest Starbucks on my roadtrips, thereby necessitating the next Starbucks stop by picking up a soy chai. Vicious cycle.

[sandy]

Hello? Hello? Is this thing working?
:D
Pee break!

[Heather]

Okay, the post was cool....I was well informed about all but......what about the sock?!!? You showed us the neckwarmer that is no more and was yesterday. Geez Norma....post a blog about news with yesterdays news in it. I feel such a let down right now.....*snicker snicker* But I will come back again tomorrow!

[kathleen]

If you'd typed the answer it would have come out much more articulate. Fuck 'em.

[just_browsing]

My family comes from a wee village on the shores of Lake Champlain and I remember gleefully telling my boss that on vacation there, I'd not be reachable. No cell, no Blackberry, sorry.

Sure enough on the Northway, I lost coverage. Alas I reached Grandma's house only to find full bars. So they can't manage to cover a major thoroughfare but a town with 2000 people is all set. Go figure.

[Elizabeth]

Depending on where you were, the military installations up there also have jammers (not 100% positive - but 98% sure). There's nothing like driving through no man's land surrounded by razor wire and no signal... It's funny because I worked in Adirondak State Park (at a camp within it to be specific) and I had service (not great - but enough to call home) and yet I didn't all the way there. And I have the service which always has service (I love you former NY Telephone...).

[Sheepish Annie]

My dad is a ham radio operator and we had a repeater at our house. We were like a tower or something for all the other hams. But I don't have the foggiest notion how that translates into cell phone reception...I thought that was done by wizards or elves or something.

[KatyaR]

Ham radio operators use repeaters to push their signals farther than basic equipment will allow without the signal degrading. It's amazing how well they work--we have them all over Oklahoma City, and sometimes you can receive signals from well over 100 miles away, sometimes from another state if the atmosperic conditions are right.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amateur_radio_repeater

[Jean]

When we were living at the campgrounds here on post for the three weeks or so waiting for housing, we had to walk about 20 feet from the camper and stand on a certain rock in order to talk on the cell phone. We hated getting phone calls during the night then. It was dangerous I tell ya!

[Andrea (noricum)]

I know what a repeater is, and I also know that the reception on the highway between NYC and Montreal is crap... mostly non-existent.