Stupiditis

I apologize for what you are about to read. I am really in no condition to post this, and it's really a waste of your time. But you clicked in, so I guess I owe you to finish this sentence.

Yes. Work has been a bear. Actually, compared to other work bears, this one has been rather cuddly and nice. No big teeth or claws. No scary growls, really. My witnesses have not been astrophysicists or brain surgeons or hydrogeologists or actuaries. This week it's just been plain-old plain-old regular people talking regular English. This makes my editing, assuming I wrote good steno, which I usually do, almost embarrassingly easy. When I say, "50 pages before bedtime," it sounds like a lot to you, but I'm not typing it, just fixing it up. It's already there in rough draft, and it's not terribly rough, given that I was trained to write real-time for television audiences.  But still. As of now, my neck, shoulders and forearms are about to give in. Pain! Ouch!

And thank goodness I've got back into the yoga, because if not for that, it would be worse pain. Add to all this a couple, three, four more depositions this week, and two hellish drives -- one in driving rain and one in sleet -- and I'm kind of on my way to being t.i.r.e.d.  And my steno machine is overdue for a cleaning, so some keys are sticking, etc., and an extra letter in a keystroke (which I will remind you is not like typing, but more like stroking chords on a piano) makes a whole 'nother word or phrase.  Ugh. At one point in my lonnnnnnnng Monday deposition, the software decided that the questioning lawyer was "THE COURT."  I noticed it after a few minutes and I stopped her, trying to figure out why the frigging software grew horns and decided to do that.  She was a very young associate lawyer, and I said to her, "We don't want to put you on the bench -- just yet."  She got a kick out of that. I explained that having that keep up like that was going to make my editing life HELL, and since they wanted that transcript fast, they'd better let me see if I could fix it. I did eventually. I have no idea what I did, but I clicked and looked at the dictionary, etc., couldn't see any problem, and then it stopped.  WTF?  Frigging software.

And then a brief form came up from wayyyyyyyy the hell back when I worked for BBC Television.  That was over a decade, and two different brands of software ago, and many, many, many changes in my dictionary.  I swear to gawd, I keep telling the software people that this happens and they think I'm retarded. It's like ghosts of brief forms past. This one was "one member, one vote."  Too hilarious, to those of us (all two of us, Yvonne?) who understand the steno and the television and the British politics.

Anyhoo.  I'm exhausted and can't really think or write any more. A little glimpse into the wild and wacky work world (gee, I wish this was W week in the ABC-Along....) of Me.

I'm still waiting for the Lion Cashmere Blend I ordered so I can finish the red scarf. And someone gave me some red yarn. There's a blog-worthy story behind it, but I'm afraid I've run out of steam for now. Suffice it to say, it's not going well. I am not in love with Lion Brand Suede. The color is wonderful, but man, is that stuff hard to work with. And squeaky. Don't you hate yarn that is squeaky in your fingers?  Ugh. But when the printer is printing the hundreds of pages it's printing these days, and when I'm not editing, I'm soldiering on and making a "My So Called Scarf" with it.  (I have no energy to link it right now) I love the pattern, now that I'm over my Stupiditis about it. That's where I got the title, and there's a story behind that, too. Man, I'm useless. I'm telling you.  Here's a pic of the thing. The "edging" is just my Stupiditis. I decided to keep it as an edging. Design element....yeah, that's it. If the yarn doesn't kill me, it'll make me stronger? Is that what I'm supposed to believe?

P.S.  Why did the menopausal woman cross the road?

To kill the chicken. 

Man, that one just cracked me right up. It's on my "Wild Words from Wild Women" peel-off calendar. (more W's!) I had to share it with you. This is just indicative of my state of mind, no?

Comments

[Vicki]

BAWK, BAWK, BAAAAAWK!!!

Too funny. Hugs. Get some rest.

[Isela]

get some well deserved rest :). I too do not like Lion Brand Suede--it feels like I am knitting with yarn that has sticky honey all over it.

[joan]

yep, my scarf yarn sucks too - the first yarn sucked and I ripped it all out and bought a SECOND sucky yarn - the joys of living at the far ends of the earth. We have a LYS (35 miles away) that closes at 4:30 in the afternoon---catering to the unemployed, I guess. Anyway, maybe the effort will purify our souls? Maybe this is a reflection of what life is like for foster kids most of the time?

Oooooh, cosmic, man. Knit on! Can't wait til you have the energy to tell us the stories. Get some sleep first - maybe next week????

[Debi]

You're hilarious even when dead tired. I love the way the suede look but squeaky yarn I cannot abide! I used wool cause like you said, how often does anyone wash a scarf, especially a college kid! I really enoyed doing this, thanks again for bringing this worthy cause to our attention!
(My scarf is blocking as we speak, I'll post pics as soon as it's dry!)

[sandy]

How about having a "B IS FOR W" week?
:)
Rest, dearie. Rest!
xo

[Laurie]

It just sucks when work sucks. Sucks the life right outta you. Then, all you can think, is how much it sucks. Then the rest of life feels like it freakin' sucks. That just sucks, man. I know exactly how you feel.

[Dave Daniels]

I can't relate to your steno incident, but I can relate to the Lion Suede Shit. I hated it. And I have a few skeins put aside in the donation bin, moss green and terra cotta. Yeah, it squeaks really loudly on WOODEN needles.
OK, rest up, you leave town soon enough. And Mr. Postperson may have a little something for you. Heeheehee

[Michelle]

I made a scarf with the Lion Brand Cashmere blend for my aunt in law about a year or so agao and she loved it! very simple k, p, k... It's nice yarn to play with

Enjoy!

[JoVE]

How about you stop knitting with the Suede. It is not helping. And I hope your technology starts behaving itself and your massage therapist has an appointment available and there is some good scotch in the cabinet...

[margene]

I hope you went to bed right after you wrote this. Is the insanity over or does it continue next week? I gotta remember that joke!

[Kim]

Ewwwwwww.......I get shivers just thinking about squeaky yarn.....ick!

I hope you get some rest soon, yer fallin' apart !

[Cheryl]

It occurs to me that I have absolutely no idea what a steno machine looks like. In my head it looks like an accordian mated with a TV: keys, stoppers, a screen, the whole nine yards. I suppose I could go google it to see what it really looks like, but I'm sure it would be disappointingly unlike my imaginary version.

[Wendy]

I think I might be able to stand it if my work was a big cuddly panda bear.

Maybe not.

I also think I need a Wild Words from Wild Women calendar. I oughta be able to find one half-price somewhere . . .

[Rachel H]

ok, NO clue what any of the steno stuff means, but I get that it was frustrating. I'd definitely be interested to see what the pic for this 'W' week would be though. Maybe Dave could put something together for you? *grin*

[Kirsten]

Ew, squeaky yarn. I let my then-four year old persuade me to make him a blanket (a hay-uge blanket) in three different colors of Red Heart acrylic. Talk about sqeaky! And he wonders why I haven't finished it yet ....

[Chris]

Heh - I'm changing that to "PMSing woman." Get some rest, woman! (Squeaky yarn drives me nuts and is usually "gifted" to a "friend.")

[liz]

I thought it was to get the chicken so she could beat her husband over the head with it. I think I'm going to change my name to "Flash"...

[liz]

I thought it was to get the chicken so she could beat her husband over the head with it. I think I'm going to change my name to "Flash"... complete with that Queen song.

[k]

To kill the NORMAing chicken!
I laughed. Long and Hard.

[regina]

I like the way Liz thinks!

Sorry you're having such a week. Hope you get some rest and some yarn that doesn't squeak. Just thinking about yarn that squeaks makes my hands ache.

[jpt]

So with you on the work bears! My boss and I now refer to one memorably grumpy-making project as me putting on a bear suit for about a month and periodically peeking out of my cave to growl at people.

[Julie]

Hmmm, January is a terrible month for me, so I can sympathize. I was at the lys yesterday buying needles (resisted the urge to add to the yarn stash, although the roving bin is becoming crowded) and I saw some great orange KMM that I would have bought for you, but I thought that you either already had some in that color, or maybe you just felt that others shouldn't fall prey to the stashbuster-busters. I was strong, though. It's tough when the store is right on the way home from work.

[Carole]

You need a retreat this weekend. ;-)

[Chelle]

Norma, you crack me up woman!!! The discussion about LB Suede yarn, yes I've been there and ripped it out (on another project) as I told you by email; and the court reporting aspect, I'm sure you are EXTREMELY good at your job, and I think the line about the judge was great - at least you keep your wits (and your wit) even in the midst of a techno-glitch. And now I've gotta cruise the Internet for one of those darned calendars. Hope you got a good's night sleep last night. Chelle

[Marcia]

Oh, dear. I thought my week wasn't going well. You win! I haven't ever knit with RH anything, let alone Suede, but I can say that the original Suede by Berocco (Berroco, Berrocco?) is quite nice. Except in winter when my skin is dry and it sticks. But it does. not. squeak.

[Patti]

Remember the concept of the paperless office and how everything would be easier? Yeah. Words words words.

My friend just knitted a hat in that Suede stuff and she had to just give up on it - the yarn just doesn't behave well.

[Rossana]

Oh dear! Stay safe on the roads and I hope all your body parts feel better soon.

[Sue]

Hi again Norma. I’m sorry to hear you are having such a rough week. Argh. I am a legal secretary (for the last 20 years or so, I guess), so I well understand your world – at least from this side. Hang in there!

I have to agree with you about squeaky yarn, too. Although I am just a beginner to knitting (Sept. 05), I have quickly learned that most of the synthetics (although not all – some of the fun stuff really is FUN), are irritating to work with. The yarn I am using right now for the red scarf project is driving me bonkers, but I’m already ¾ of the way finished, so I guess I’ll just go with it. Ah well. It will be warm nevertheless!

[Melissa]

So glad you're dealing with normal people instead of the scientists. I say this as I'm editing a report for work entitled "Documentation of Two-Dimensional Sub-Regional Groundwater Flow and Solute Transport Models of the ___ Perchlorate and TCE Plumes." Fascinating stuff, I tell ya! They give me funny looks when I ask what a particular word is supposed to be (crappy handwriting) and I feel the need to remind them all that I'm a damned artist.

[Imbrium]

Mmm...haunted software.

Get some rest!

[Dusa]

*whispers - I kinda like Suede for drop stitch scarves*

What is it about post-holiday work sitchs? Cause it's entirely sucks snake scrotum. And hoyeah! on the software glitches. Bastards!

And shouldn't it say "damn chicken"?

[Carrie]

So, I have this question that will clearly indicate how little I know about the Ways of the Yarn. Would it be less yucky to work with if you carried along another strand of something nice? Would that mitigate the yuckiness? (The color of that yarn is excellent, though.)
Anyway, I'm sorry you're having Brain Fry (hey, that works for B) and I hope you have a very restorative weekend.
Dusa -- snake scrotum? Never heard that. Although (Norma, note this for the D week) my cousin used to say something "sucks big, green, gangrenous, donkey d***". Shortly thereafter, Jurassic Park came out, so it became "dinousaur".

[k]

Oh, yeah, Norma - I want to see a picture of a Dinosaur D*** - and the film of you shooting it.

[Judy]

moodiness and wackiness are in the air.. must be the weather.

[Jay]

Thanks for the heads-up about the Lion Brand Seude... glad I didn't hold out for it to make up my pullover. I thought only acrylic yarn squeeked!
Hang in there and hopefully things will settle down for you soon!