Dear Rock Chick,
How you doin'? I'm fine. Well, I was fine, until I got my ass kicked a couple of times lately. First by my daughter, who went and kicked my ass, but GOOD, at the Scrabble board. Hey, lemme just tell you, I've never had my ass kicked at the Scrabble board. Ever. Especially not by my daughter. "That's jest what you get," I screeched. "That's JEST what you get. You spend your hard-earned life's savings (and then some) on an education for your damn rotten no-good daughter, and she has the audASSity to go and get ejeecated." Where's the justice?
And then. And THEN. You remember not long ago I wrote you and told you about my secret method for getting easy continuing ed points on the cheap? Fly-bys. Drive-throughs. Don't even need to read the articles. I'm such a smarty-pants, I can just take the tests without even reading the articles and pass 'em. That's coz I'm just so g.d. smart. You know how smart I am, right? Smart. I'm so smart. Really smart. That's what I told you; remember?
It were a real ass-whuppin'. Oh, yes. It happened, right here, last night. Took a test. Pressed "send and grade." Smug. Smarty-pants me. Ha! Only three more to go! Easy-peasy, it only took me like eleven minutes, and it cost me only a fraction of what all those other suckers do, go long distances, pay lots of money to take seminars because they are too skeered to take these easy-peasy tests! Ha! They're so DUMB and I'm so smart.
Correction: FOUR more to go. I saw that RED THING THAT SAID THAT AWFUL, AWFUL WORD: FAIL
My ass was whupped by one of them-there easy-peasy stupid-ass tests.
And what's even worse is, it was money wasted. You pay your money BEFORE you take the test, and you can't go back and fix anything and you can't take that one over again, ever. Do you know how many skeins of Koigu I could have bought with that test dough? Two and a half, that's how many. But you better check my math, as it's been proven: I'm NOT.TOO.SMART.
Damn. Guess I'll have to read the article next time. It were a real slap-down. Oh, yes, it were.
We're not even gonna get to the knitting. My ass is too bruised already. Wait, what's that I smell?
Oh, HELL! I left the crow on the stove! I'll have to get back to ya later.